In a couple of months i began to lose everything I had. My appearance, my friends, the way people looked at me . And the boy I loved the most. I slowly started to gain weight and not caring about how I looked in front of people.
I slowed lost my friends due to them singling me out of everything they did once another friend moved away. and after the whole online class thing I spent less and less time worrying about how I looked, and what my friends where doing, due to the fact that after the first couple of months of COVID I was left with no phone.
The only person I would contact was the boy that lived a street away from me. We would always talk and and zoom call each other. Watch shows and read comics but mostly play games. But I eventually ended up losing him too. To a stalker of his. She was so obsessed with him, I believed the meet at work. But I also lost him due to trust on his end. He thought I lied to his face when they told him I meet up with some guy. I didn't.
But he kept insisting that I did. So I let him go, but for too long. After that I got a job, but I ended up leaving it due to the fact that I was failing in school. And even after leaving my job I still didn't pick up my grades; the whole online class had me stressed.
It was so simple, but I would rather interact in a classroom and be hands on, then get distracted and sleep through the class. But in the end I graduated. After that I stayed without a job for a while. I found 3 jobs all lasting around 5-6 months.
Im currently at job 4. But I just want to be how I used to be, dressing up, taking care of how I look like. I want to feel good about myself. But I can't, because every time I see how I look, what I wear and how big I've gotten I spiral and reminisce on how I used to look like how many friends I had, the times I had fun, the boys I'd talked to. And it feels like I was stripped away from them.
and I want to try so hard to watch what I eat, how I present myself.
But I don't have the motivation for anything anymore. I'm lazy, fat, alone, and unmotivated to change anything about it. The old me would have done something about it.but she is long gone, I really want to see her though. I want see her get the attention she wants.
The clothes she loves. The friends she needs. She's always going out and having a fun time. And in love with a man who treats her right, protects her from everything and everyone. And she loves the job she works at too. I hope I can see her soon.
Have you seen her ?
