Diary

July 21, 2023

It was kind of hard today, I struggled a lot mentally. I keep thinking back to high school and missing the time where day to day was pretty much planned. I didn't have to guess much and I knew what to expect. I knew the minimum effort I had to put in to pass. I had time for myself.

I thought about my past relationships and even though I'm happy with fiancé, I miss the friendship I had with my ex. He was pretty great and I hope he's doing good now. I stopped talking to him for her. She's amazing and makes me incredibly happy but sometimes I feel like I can't make time for myself.

I miss my grandma both of them, the one that died recently and the one I stopped talking to because of her choices. Sometimes I think about reaching out to granny but it still hurts thinking about how she choose the pedophile over her family. He's dead now but I still haven't healed.

I don't have anyone I feel close enough to talk to anymore. My best friends are dealing with their own things and I don't want to be a burden. I guess that's what today boils down too, feeling like a burden.