Friday. July 21 2023 Jesu💜
Ever feel like not existing anymore
Like I don't want to die because id still have to exist in the afterlife
I felt like I wanted to cease
Like why are we here
Turtles all the way down
Back to God
Does God even want to be here
What if he wanted to not exist anymore but he is cursed with consciousness for eternity
What would you do if you were God
An endless consciousness in a void
What is God
Where is God
How big is God
Is God a size
Or an infinity of space, no beginning and no end like his place in "time," "so called"
~ Is this what having an existential crisis is like?
How come I don't know God
I have a relationship with him but what is he
I know for a small part who he is but not what he is
What prompted him to create the universe
This, single spoken sentence
And how come he didn't do it before if nothing ever occurred to God
My itty bitty consciousness trying to grasp the concept of the one that is bigger than all the galaxies that is aware enough and cares enough to hear my thoughts and voice all the way down here.
He cares so much about each one of us all the way down to keep count of how many hairs we have on our heads
His eye is on the sparrow
Bible says not even a sparrow falls to the ground without his knowing
The ultimate bird watcher.
Greater than all time
When and why did time begin
Nobody really know what they are saying when they say "The grand scheme of things"
What is of most importance in the grand scheme of things
My friend told me before he died was that his goal in life was to find happiness... . . . . . . .okay.
That's not a good goal to have because, happiness is ever changing
Always shifting and doesn't very often stay in one place for long
How do you think that you can live there.
Happiness is attainable for every person no matter what they've been through
What my wise, little 18 yeo self told this boy was: "Often times happiness is a choice, Joni Erickson is an example that come to mind. Working towards and accomplishing goals is what makes me happy also having faith that someone has a plan for this world and that we aren't just flying around in space for no reason"
"We have to find our purpose and that's where we'll find happiness"
That was june 24 2020 and he died of a drug overdose may 22 2022.
That boy had been through plenty and I can't blame him for making the decisions that he made.
I'll always wonder if I could have made a difference if I had tried more.
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