Fool Me Once

Emergence

Emergence

noun

the process of coming into being, or of becoming important or prominent.

It was the month of July 2013. The exact date remains unknown, but what is known is that it changed my life forever. I was in a bad place in my life, depression controlled my life and it seemed as though everything was spiraling out of control. Scrolling through my Instagram feed I saw this account and they had posted a picture of a guy with a tattoo on his arm and side going onto his chest. I decided to comment "Is that you?" The person replied to me saying yes, and we continued the conversation for a bit on his Instagram picture. He told me he was going to log out of instagram but I could kik him, so I did.
I learned his name was spencer and he was 15 at the time, keep in mind I was only 12. Practically a baby. No one had treated him right, and no one was there for him. I told spencer I would be there for him, and he would be here for me. From there on forwards, our relationship grew. I learned he had a sister and two younger brothers. He lived in New York while I was here stuck in Texas. I can't lie and tell you the distance didn't make me hate everything for a time. It made me bitter and wonder why the hell he had to be so god damn far away from me. It wasn't fair. Eventually, I made peace with it. Over the time we talked I learned he has the biggest heart and the cutest smile. He was the most caring and sweet guy I've ever met. Talking to him make it easier to breathe, I wasn't choking anymore. Being suffocated by my sadness. He helped chased away some of the sadness that came from deep within. He planted seeds inside of my heart and grew flowers in my ribcage. Needless to say, I fell for him hard. Falling for someone doesn't happen overnight. I know the books and movies make it seem like that, but that's not reality. The reality is everyday I talked to him I seemed to fall for him more and more. He wasn't perfect, he had flaws like everyone else. He was only human. But god did those flaws make him even better. Talking to Spencer everyday made me so happy, happier than I ever was. I was still spiraling down though. When you love someone, and they love you, it doesn't make your problems disappear. There's this fake notion that when you love someone you become happy. That is false. They make you happy yes, but it doesn't mean your sadness is gone. I was still doing every bad thing I did before, and my depression wasn't any better. Although, I can tell you one thing. Love opens up a whole new world inside of you. The days flew by talking to him, and talking to him became an everyday all day thing. Soon enough July was done with, August was ending, and 7th grade was nearing. I made it my goal to spend as much time with Spencer as I could before school started. And I did just that.