Wendy's Drawing Book

December 26,2011

It happened like this.
It was Christmas Day, nothing really important. Christmas lost meaning to me about 8 years ago so this was like any other Sunday except for the fact that there was a huge ass tree in the center of my living room.
Mom had me up by 7:30am calling relatives, close family friends, and whores to wish them Merry Christmas and shit. Half of them didn't even have the curtsy to pick up their damn phones.
Anyway I began to notice mom was happy and jittery.....like a toddler, but being the asshole I am I just completely ignored her.
My grandmother from my mothers side of the family came and a few of my
Aunts and uncles as well because they were told mom would reveal "Big news" to them.
Mom sprang out of her room and hugged every single person coming into the house. EVERYONE was shocked. Mom was a rather strict person and would never act out like this. Especially in front of her family.
At around 11:30 she placed gifts under the tree for everyone who came, but she said they weren't allowed to open them until I got mine. Sounded fair enough. Her and dad stood there hand in hand starring at me smiling.
"Wendy" she began, " Your going to be an older sister"!
Everyone gasped then broke out into phony smiles like they gave two shits about it. Me however, I just stood there with an expression on my face the clearly stated that I couldn't care less.
"Wendy, are you happy"? One of my uncles asked .
"No not really" I said as blandly as possible as I proceeded to take out my IPhone and text Stan on Facebook.
You could've heard a pin drop that's how silent the room got.
"Excuse me", I got up and went up stairs to my bedroom. "Wait Wendy" My mother said before her words got cut off by the sound of a slamming door. Their plan continued as planned, they opened their shitty presents in what seemed like total silence.
Stan gave me his phone number so we FaceTimed.
It was so weird seeing him for the first time in almost 3 years. It's funny, we hardly recognized each other but yet we still conversed as though we never left each other's side.
"You look angry"He said about 15 minutes into the call.
"Yeah kinda, my moms pregnant and she decided to present the news to me as a Christmas present."
"Why are you mad about that"?
"Well, the world is a horrible place filled with lies, sadness, whores, white trash, excreta. But the one thing that stands out above those other things is shit. This world is shit. EVERYTHING IS SHIT, AND FOR HER TO BRING ANOTHER CHILD INTO THIS WORLD WHERE HE OR SHE IS JUST GOING TO GET HURT. IS A HORRIBLE THING. Stan you should've seen it, she was happy about forcing a living thing in a unescapable hole where the only option for getting out is death". I didn't realize it but I was basically screaming into the phone, it was so loud that my aunt came up stairs to verify that I wasn't dying.
Stan sat there scratching the back of his head like doing that would make an answer suddenly appear in his mind.
"Wendy, I have to go bye"
He hung up so fast I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to him. For the rest of the day I just in my room starring at the pink walls thinking. Mom called upstairs to tell me dinner was ready but I declined and said I wasn't hungry.
This was the first time I skipped a meal in like 3 months.
Today I'm just sitting in my room doing nothing. Last night I kept myself preoccupied my finishing the work my teachers gave me to make up for all the times I cut class.
I started an anime called school days. Everyone on YouTube kept bashing it saying "It's the worst anime I've ever watched" and such. It's actually not that bad.
Oh and to my parents, I'm dead to them for the moment, or forever I don't know.
In our basement I have a stash of pocky and I wanted to get some, so I snuck downstairs and listened to see if either my mother, father, or both were awake since it was still 5:am.
Their room door was slightly cracked but enough that I could hear them talking at very low volumes, and I was about to walk away but I noticed my mother crying.
"What happened to my darling daughter"? My mom said sobbing into my fathers chest, "She used to be such a happy child but now she's angry and distant..I want my old daughter back"
Wow..... Ok then
Anywho I just went and got my pocky and hauled ass back upstairs, though strangely I didn't eat any of it. The words "I want my old daughter back" just played over and over in my head like a broken record.
My mind blanked and I started hysterically crying and banging my head into the frame of the bed.
And this is where it began. That stupid letter opener.
I had it up stairs when I shouldn't have . I grabbed it and began slicing at my upper thighs for what seemed like years. When I calmed down there was so much blood on my bed, the walls, my cloths, my face and just about everything else. Despite everything that just happened I just continued my day normally but instead of wearing a mini skirt I just wore baggy sweat pants. I didn't dress the wound because I wanted it to get infected so I could die slowly and painfully. No one suspected a thing.