Drowning Star Of The Sea

A world she imagined

THIS WORLD WANTS ME DEAD!!!!!!

present

I woke up in the same dump I slept in, the same dying plant lying beside me filling me with the guilt that I am responsible for its death but who will be guilty for mine? My hands are covered in blood, not of others but mine. My tears are red, my sweat is red, everything is red. It's so red just like the roses I used to get from him . the same roses he would use to confess his love and the same roses with which he adorned himself. I can't feel my legs, my hands aren't moving, and my eyes are hungry for sleep. I hadn't eaten a single bite for the last 2 days since I refused to take his orders. I haven't seen a single light for 6 months. I think I am dying but I know he wouldn't let me die this easily . he wouldn't let me have peace he wouldn't .no, he wouldn't. I can't seem to understand him, we had loved each other till the point where I could die for him but why ?? Why would he do this?? Why why? Why?why?why? I remember dreaming of this life, a life filled with adventures, a life where I am loved, a life where I love. but now I regret coming here. I regret being so stupid and accepting his love. I regret leaving my family. I regret leaving him. I regret it all....... \

what if I never came here?

Past

I Woke up late, as usual, momma was scolding me as I went out hastily to the school. Another boring day began I met Stella and other friends and faked a smile all day just to please them while deep down I didn't like them much. They were cool and all that but still I felt empty. empty just like the black hole which is full yet still empty. I met Rosario, my boyfriend on my way to English class he was studying hard so that he could get good marks like me so that no one would bully him for dating me. I was the girl everyone was envious of and yes that's me but I didn't care much I would fight anyone who would dare say anything to him. Though he was super strong and could fight his own battles he had a heart of pure gold unlike my stony heart filled without true emotions. but he just wanted to be at the same level as me and I hated it. I hated that he was changing for me and I was feeling a distance between us. As I was thinking Stella came beside me and gave me a nudge, I hated it yet I had to smile.

'hey! gf can I borrow your notes copy'

she said with a feisty smile I taunted her and then gave up my copy. I know a lot of people approach me asking for favors and not much. I am annoyed with this boring life, I am annoyed with everything around me. I just want to break free. I want a life filled with adventures, a life that drives me on adrenaline, and a life where I am the queen and the king protects me, not the other way around. a life where I embark on dangerous journeys.  I want a life that revolves around me and a world that is just for me.

then again someone grabbed me from behind and disturbed my thoughts. It was Rosario, he pulled me beside the empty classroom and started to kiss me, a kiss that should have been romantic but felt empty to me, a kiss without sparks, a kiss I faked, but I couldn't push him away in the fear he would know my thoughts. Rosario wasn't my king, he wasn't the boy I imagined still, I liked him as he was far better than others around him, but he wasn't enough I needed more, I wanted more. I couldn't break his heart. He loved me so much that it suffocated me and I felt guilty about it. I couldn't tell him so I just faked it like everything else. Oh shit! He sensed something, his expressions were changing, and he was pulling away.

'' hey! So I was thinking that maybe we could go on a date this weekend. what do you think?''

I felt relaxed as he said this.

"Sure why not? maybe Stella would also join us she wanted to spend time with us"

Rosario  -"Babe, no! Why would Stella join us? it's our date, our quality time, you always do this, you bring your friends between us Why can't we just have some time alone?"

I think he has sensed my thoughts that I am pushing him away.

Mia -"No, babe it's not like that"

Rosario-"Don't lie, Mia, it's been days I've been feeling this distance between us. it's like you're with me physically but not mentally"

In this moment I felt guilty towards his emotions as I betrayed him again and again continuously. Let's just break things now rather than feeling more guilt. Yes, I should do that not just for myself but also for him. He deserves someone far better than filthy me.

Just As I was about to reply, he pushed me onto the wall cupped my face with his hand, and parted my lips with his thumb and I forgot everything and listened to him as he said

"Listen to me love, you're only mine if you have anyone else in your mind push him out, even your friends, I don't care you're mine and only mine.do you get that?"

Ahhhhh I hate him just as I started to think I wanted to break up with him he again filled me with these teenage emotions just like he did when we first met. I hate these emotions. so I nodded like a fool

Rosario-"Do you get that? love say it loud"

"Yesss"

"Good now be a good girl, go to your class and meet me afterward," said Rosario pushing me into the corridor.

I hate him for doing this to me changing from a cutie cat to a roaring tiger in just a second. let's just get away from him now before I forget that I want to break up with him. just as I was about to leave he again grabbed me and gave me a kiss, a kiss so forceful like he was claiming me, this time I kissed him with emotions not just faking it. with that kiss, he left.

I gathered my emotions and went on to complete the rest of the day. I hate myself for not being able to feel good when I have everything, great friends, an extremely loving boyfriend, family, and everything, still, the feeling of emptiness lingers around me.

As the day ended I was lying in my bed and fabricating dreams to put myself to sleep. This is my habit as I can't go to sleep without the adventures I imagine myself doing. but then as I was about to go to sleep, I saw a bright light spreading in my room, I couldn't open my eyes, it was so bright like the sun had entered my room blinding me but then I saw him ...........................my liberator, savior and much more just as I imagined him to be.