Dark Skies on Summer

01

Last night was fun. I had enough time to enjoy my last day of school with my friends, and even though I can still be with them this summer, we have planned to create a memorable last day to enjoy.

"Ley anong oras na bumangon ka na at mag lunch na tayo!" sigaw ni mama mula sa baba. Agad akong bumangon at inayos ang higaan ko bago tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto. Nang makababa ako dumiretso na ako sa hapag kainan at nakitang naghahain na si mama ng lunch. My little brother was already sitting there, waiting for the food to be ready. 

"Anong oras ka na naman umuwi kagabi?" panimula ni mama na para bang handa na akong sermonan. "Ley, I'm allowing you to go anywhere with your friends pero sana nag update ka man lang, nag-aalala ako sa'yo." Hindi kasi ako nakapag update dahil lowbat ang phone ko. 

"Yes ma, I'm sorry for making you worried. Forgive me na please." pagsusuyo ko while hugging her, she was the most precious girl in my life. Siya ang tumatayong ilaw at haligi ng tahanang ito. 

"O sige na kumain na tayo, Lanz keep your phone na kakain na."

Our dad left us when I was 10, and mom was still pregnant with Lanz. Masakit sa'king makitang mag-isa si mama noon, at mabuting may magandang trabaho siyang pinapasukan noon at hanggang ngayon kaya hindi kami nahirapan sa mga pangangailangan. Lola and lolo helped us too, kasi hindi na nagagawang magsustento ng ama ko dahil may bago na siyang pamilya. 

I was broken at that time, but I know that the most broken person in our family was mama, hindi niya lang pinapakita sa'kin pero madalas ko siyang nakikitang umiiyak nung mga panahong iyon. 

When Lanz was successfully delivered, I saw her genuinely happy again, kaya sinabi ko sa sarili ko na aalagaan ko si Lanz dahil siya ang naging dahilan sa pagkakabalik ni mama. Hindi lang si mama ang bumalik dahil kay Lanz, pati ako.

"Later mama, I'm going to finish this game lang." He responded.

"Lanz later na 'yan, I'll play with you nalang after eating lunch. Naghihintay ang favorite tinola mo oh, look." He looked at the tinola that is prepared in the center of our table and his face were brighten when he saw it. He kept his phone away and start eating with us.

"Ley, nagtatanong ang tita mo kung gusto mo ba mag-aral sa Australia at doon ka sa kanila magsstay?" Mama asked while we're eating.

"Australia? Nandun si dad diba mama?" Lanz asked that made me stop for a second.

"Pag-iisipan ko po muna, ma."

I already have my decision, and yes tatanggapin ko 'yon dahil alam kong gaganda ang buhay ko roon at malaking opportunity na rin 'yon. I also want to see dad, it's been so many years since yung last naming bonding. Gusto ko lang din malaman kung bakit niya kami iniwan, bakit niya kami pinagpalit. Hindi ba kami naging sapat sa kanya? Hindi ba naging sapat si mama sa kanya?

After lunch I washed the dishes kasi papasok na si mama. Lanz was kept asking me to play with him already pero sabi ko maligo muna ako at mag-wait muna siya sa living room. Our house is not that big but not too small, sakto lang para sa aming tatlo. May sari-sarili kaming kwarto, isang cr, kitchen, dining room, living room, at may isang bakanteng kwarto para sa tuwing pupunta ang mga kamag-anak ay may matutulugan sila.

I received a massage from Pat before going inside the bathroom, she's asking if i'm free for tomorrow, we'll watch sine with some of her friends daw. Lagi niya akong inaaya sa mga gala niya kahit na may kasama naman siya and thankful ako dahil doon, hindi niya ako nakakalimutan. I replied and say yes dahil wala naman akong gagawin bukas at nandito naman sila lola simula bukas, may mag babantay kay Lanz.

I played with Lanz after I took a bath, and he was amazed because we won a lot of games that made him rank up. 

"Look kuya oh, I received a gift from ranking up!" pagyayabang nito habang tinututok sakin yung screen ng phone.

"Wow that's nice, but I already have it na oh, look. And I have this pa, may ganito ka ba?" Pang-aasar ko sa kanya. Dahil doon naglaro pa kami ng ilang game para makuha niya yung meron ako. He got tired na rin after that kaya naman nanood muna ako sa netflix nang matapos kami maglaro.

My life wasn't that special, I'm an achiever in school pero ginagawa ko lang 'yon para maging proud si mama sa akin, ayoko ring na di-disappoint siya sa'kin kapag nakikita n'ya yung report cards ko. I joined different organization din dahil alam kong matutulungan din ako nito in future. I'm currently in grade 11, sa pasukan grade 12 na ako. 

Nakakatakot kasi isang year nalang college na ako, hindi pa ako ready, parang ayoko pa at gusto ko munang mag-stay sa ganito. I'm well known in our school dahil nga kasali ako sa ibang organization, may mga events na mostly ako yung nag-aayos at nakakahalubilo ko ang ibang students sa school pati na rin teachers. 

I'm currently ranked as the 2nd in the whole grade 11 students and I'm aiming to be the number 1. It wasn't easy though and I put a lot of pressure on myself just to reach my goal.

Even though pressuring myself stressed me, it also helped me reach my goals. Growing up kasi iniisip nila na matalino ako, at na stuck na ako sa title na 'yon. Matalino ako kaya kailangan ganito yung goal ko, their expectations has also been my expectation. It's kinda toxic pero hindi ko na pinansin 'yon at nag focus nalang sa pag-aaral.

I badly want to try something new this summer—something that would give me a different view of my life, something that would at least color my dark and lonely life. Kahit isang tuldok lang ng kulay... Kahit ngayong summer lang...