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EVER SINCE i was a little girl, i had always hoped i would have a prince charming that swept me away by the time i was 18. that i would be popular in school and have tons of friends. high expectations came after the books and media that i consumed since childhood. the main character of a story always ended up with her love interest and lived happily ever after in the end. i wanted so badly for my life to be picture perfect, and i still do. now that i've reached the age that i so desperately hoped to be one day, i have nothing but disappointment to give to the little girl that i once was. i'm not popular. i don't have a boyfriend. i don't go hanging out with a ton of friends every day. i was naïve enough to think that my life was ever going to be like a 2000s coming of age film.
there's always going to be a part of me that's going to feel let down with how my life is actually going. i might never be satisfied with it. looking back, i miss having no genuine fear that what i have is one day going to be gone. there is so much i took for granted. i wish i could still stay the little girl i was before. the older i got, the less i wanted to grow up in a world full of cynicism and despair. i don't remember when i started seeing the world in a different lens, but i would do anything to go back to the rose colored glasses.
i miss being a kid. i see a part of the little girl i once was in the kids that i work with every day, now that i am the one they are supposed to look up to. i wish there was a way to go back and tell myself that i didn't need to wish to be all grown up at a young age. i should've told her to hold onto her barbie's and favorite stuffed animals a little longer. time flew by and before i knew it, i am about to start college and step out into the real world. deep down, i would rather much stay in the fantasy land that i created in my head as a child. to stay naïve is a privilege, one that i can no longer share. at 18, i am at the starting point into adulthood. i cannot go back to the way things were despite desperately wanting to.
to put it simply, life is like a storm of waves. it crashes and it goes. i happen to be nothing other than a pebble in the sand that is unable to get swept up by the current, because i've been stuck in it for years.
