The Ugly Hijabi and The Play Boy

Rating of 3 out of 10

"I rate Dunia a 3 out of 10, but her friend Mariam is so cute definitely a solid 9 out of 10."

When that forwarded text message hit the groupchat it was like an earthquake had struck. My heart immediately dropped. I didn't really know Ibrahim that well but how could he give Dunia only a rating of 3!? I know she doesn't wear any makeup and wears hijab but surely she deserved more than a 3!

I was dumbfounded, trying my best to keep my composure. I was at Starbucks trying their new drink when I felt myself getting dizzy and had to sit down. I had asked to be rated too but I thought me and Dunia were similar looking I didn't want to hear I was as 3 as well.

Growing up as a Muslim girl no guy had ever talked to me let alone told me he had a crush on me. Here I was 19 years old and while my classmates had already had over 10 boyfriends and gotten all this male validation I had nothing. My confidence was definitely crumbling. We thought if we asked Ibrahim for a rating it would help validate us. I thought I was at least a good 7-8, but 3 for Dunia means im probably also a 3.

I quickly replied back I didn't want to know my rating. But before I could hit send the next message came through and shattered everything in me.

"Ayat and Jenna got a rating of 3 as well."

All I could think was "Ayat is a 3." How the hell am I also a 3!?

I was shattered. It felt like a stab to my gut. I mean I knew I wore hijab and didn't wear makeup but I took really good care of my skin and worked out. A million thoughts were running in my mind.

Just as I thought things couldn't get any worse Mariam with her 9 rating responded in the group:

"Oh no I can't believe I only got a 9! I know it's because I gained weight this summer, I need to hit the gym again."

Radio silence from the rest of the group. How frustrating that the girl with the highest almost perfect rating was complaining.