A Burdened Ocean (A ChanChang One-shot)

•A Burdened Ocean•

      
       Bangchan was never really on for physical affection. He picked it up from living in Korea for so long with all his Korean friends. He never wanted to seem like he was above the rest for not wanting to do those acts. Before that, he made the mistake of not and was labeled socially awkward.

       When picking the group and living with the members' Chan was cold, mainly because there were some mental things he had to work out before being able to put his all into the group and their relationship. But he wasn't aware that the members actually found him scary until Changbin came to talk to him about things. Changbin was always the kind of guy the members felt comfort in and they are able to confide in him because he was trustworthy. Chan was no different than the others in finding comfort in Changbin. When Changbin came to him he instantly let out all the pent-up stress and emotions holding him down like a weight in water, no longer drowning. He was grateful that Changbin brought him out of a dark place deep in an ocean of shame and regret.

       You know what they say, the ocean is the most mysterious place full of things to discover. But in Chan's ocean, none of his sea life was in the shallow end but shove deep down to sink to the bottom of the deep dark depths of his ocean before it could float to the top of his mind.

       Changbin and the members were really understanding in his state at the time so he felt that he needed to show his gratitude, and what better way to do this was to show them it physically. He never really felt much when displaying these acts other than him just doing it to do it. But he got so used to it that it was just a part of his life now, and he'll feel empty without doing them. This wasn't the same for everybody though. Every time he would do these physical touch acts whether it be cute or flirty it was always different with Changbin.

       Over the years he felt something at the bottom of his ocean float to the top, no matter how hard he pushed it down into the water it kept popping back up to bob in the waves until it was taken out. This always put Chan off. The more he pushed down the weird emotions the more they kept popping up until his ocean was polluted, and he'd have no choice but to take out the problem. It got worse when his mind was now filled with Changbin. Whenever he hugged his friends he thought of Changbin. It got to the point where he'd even have more intimate thoughts and dreams about him. This escalated to Changbin being the thought in his mind when he would masturbate. None of this made Chan feel better as he felt guilty for even thinking about his one of his closest friends in such a way.

       He became more and more awkward the more graphic the thoughts became. This caused him to push Changbin away.

       Changbin felt sad, yes, but felt that maybe Chan was going through something and needed some time alone. As it got worse he figured then he'd ask 'what's up'. Sadly that was the case, Chan got to a point of exercising his old put-down skill of pushing his feeling deep within himself that Changbin knew something was wrong. The man went to check on Chan one day in the studio when Jisung left to go pick up some food with Minho, to soon come back and bring the two hard-working members. Changbin found this as a perfect opportunity where they were alone in a safe place close to Chan to figure out the problem.

       Changbin always did something to Chan. Chan never knew what it was but Changbin had that magic touch. With a single word, you could get yourself to spill everything, and that's exactly what happened.

       Chan spilled everything from his odd nature and habit with Skinship to his late-night thoughts of Changbin (leaving the sexual part out of it obviously not to scare the dude off). Chan found it hard to read Changbin's face after his confessions. Changbin stays there with the same expression on his face. The same he came with, in deep thought. That's what Chan respected about him, how he always thought carefully about what he wanted to say, but at this moment he hated it.