ephemeral [ Conrad Fisher ]

9

Conrad

SURFING had been the exact thing I needed to get my mind off things, the crash of the waves were loud enough to drown out the thoughts that lingered in the back of my mind. I had been out there for hours, long enough that I was certain that no one would be in the house when I decided to make my way back home. I was wrong, my mom was home - of course, she was. Slipping my sandals off I try to be as quiet as I can making my way to the steps, I just wanted to shower, eat something and crash until I had shit to do later.

"Honey?" I try to ignore her still making my way upstairs " Hey, hon?"

"Yeah?" I sigh stopping on the landing of the stairs

" Would you change and meet me out back? I want to paint your portrait first."

"Why me?"

"'Cause everyone else has things to do."

"I have things to do, too, Mom."

"I think you can spare a few hours for your mother, hmm?"

"Sure".

"Great. I'll see you outside in ten? See you there. Put on something nice."

If my mom was good at anything, it was knowing where to hit us where it hurts. Yeah, I didn't want to sit for this damn portrait but any time she threw spending time with her in my face I couldn't bring myself to say no. Not now.

"So, what was that with Lennox?" Her voice is light as she holds her pallet close to my face

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Conrad please I wasn't born yesterday." she shakes her head "I haven't seen her that upset since you two got into it about Aubrey." she gives me a pointed look

"Mom, can we not do this? Like, no. Uh, uh, you asked me to come sit for this portrait, and-and I'm here, and I'm sitting, and I'm more than happy to be here, but can we not make this, like, a bonding experience, please?"

"Well, excuse me for trying to connect with my son before he leaves for a year." she sighs, sitting back in her seat starting to paint "Lennox looked really nice in her deb dress, you should let her show you."

I shake my head, my shoulders dropping I knew I was a dick earlier but the whole debbing thing was pissing me off - my mom made sure of that when she brought up the girls needing dates this morning. I'd be damned if Belly was going with Cam Cameron, and I'd have to die before Lennox spent enough time with any of the guys in Cousins to decide that she'd let them escort her.

"Look, if you want to spend your summer moping around, I can't stop you, but... " she smiles softly shaking her head "No more sleeping till 2:00, no more day drinking. I want you doing something productive. You're getting a job."

"Sure."

"Great. Now sit still. Sit up." She grins at me one last time before becoming consumed by her art

As I sat there, my mind drifted back to the events of the past few months. Leaving for a year was going to be tough, and part of me really just didn't want to go anymore. The idea of leaving made me feel like I was jumping ship. Leaving my family, leaving Jeremiah to deal with the shit I had been trying to shoulder alone for an entire year. I didn't think I could do it, leave them, leave him to navigate. If I could, I'd do everything I could to make sure he'd never have to deal with any of this shit.

"Just a little more, Conrad. Hold that expression," she said softly, her eyes fixed on the canvas.

I obeyed, holding the pose as my mind wandered from the issues in my family to Lennox, sweet sweet Lennox. I had watched her long before she had begun to watch us, always swinging on her hammock her nose deep in a book. One spring I even begged my mom to get a hammock - she did, but it wasn't used by any of us. Instead, it sat tucked near the fence of our backyard only used by Lennox whenever she found her way to our yard. She made me as confused as she had the first day we spoke, her voice was as soft as it was that day when she thanked me for making sure she was okay. Her smile is still as bright as it had been the first day Jere and I joined her on her trampoline. She had been my person for seven years and I still felt like I was nothing but bad news for her. Then there was Belly, bright-eyed Belly who had been in my life since she was born. The summers were spent teasing her, teaching her new things, and having fun without any restraints. It was inevitable that every summer those same feelings that I had for Lennox would be stirred up for Belly. It was confusing this summer, having them both here. I knew deep down that one was a placeholder for the other, but I didn't know which. I didn't know who I really felt for and who I just wanted to feel for.

As the day turned into evening, the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the backyard. My mom finally put down her brushes and stepped back to admire her work. There, on the canvas, was a glimpse of the person I was and the person I had become.

"Thank you, Mom,"

She smiled, a mix of pride and sadness in her eyes. "You're welcome, Conrad. Remember, no matter where you go, or what happens, you'll always have a home here."