AIRY FROM HFJONE!!?!!? (oneshot)

lmao have some (weird) content

Lonely, that is how Airy would describe his situation. The place he stayed at was quiet, extremely silent. The only sounds Airy could hear would be the waterfall hitting the rocks creating plenty of splashes, if he listened closely he could hear the faint flowing water, in the cave he could hear the contestants although it was extremely quiet. The contestants. He envied them in a way, they may not have been in the most pleasant of situations but they weren't completely isolated. Airy envied how they spoke and listened to each other, how they acknowledged each other, worried about eachother but most importantly he envied how they touched each other.

The hugs they gave each other, the pats they gave each other, sometimes they would cuddle and Airy would feel himself get filled with feelings of jealousy. Even the simplest touches invoked plenty thoughts of envy in his head. His entire being would hurt sometimes, desiring some form of contact. Heck, he would take a violent smack down over having no contact at all.

Airy didn't know where these thoughts came from, he hated being touched when he was alive. Of course, his memory is a little hazy so he could be wrong but he doesn't doubt it right now. He can put bits of his memory together to understand that he hated socializing. He could be seen with people but he was never close to anyone. He would be off in the distance as other people spoke to each other, got to know each other, developed their relationship, as they socialised. He never socialized, he would try make social interactions as short as possible especially ones where there was physical contact, he would finish quickly and return to his safe space, his corner yet he loved being surrounded by people. He never understood why, maybe he liked hearing other people speak to tune out all the thoughts in his head, maybe he just liked being there, maybe he liked having the comfort that if he ever wanted to socialise, he could. Airy will never know for sure though, he's not even sure if he is certain about the fact he didn't like socialising before.

Airy stared at the globe, the contestants, longing for their interactions. He stared, he didn't really feel anything when he did. He probably felt .... What was it? Ah yes, empty. He felt deprived. He didn't know what but he knew he wanted something thing very badly. Ow, his .. head? No, his entire being hurt. He just saw some contestants interacting with each other, comforting each other, holding each other, having physical contact with each other.

That was... strange. Airy thought to himself about how strange this feeling was, how absurd. Why does he feel so bad seeing other people happy? Airy isn't a jealous person by any means so why did he feel that way?

But Airy is a liar. He lied. He knows what he wants, he is a very jealous person, he knows why he feels like that. He doesn't know why or how but he just can't put how he feels into comprehensive sentences.

That was another lie.

He knows exactly how he feels. He just does all this things to feel entertained. Having constant conversations with himself to feel like he was talking to someone...he would be a liar and the one to call out the liar. He felt so deprived of basically everything.

He stared at the goble, the contestants and wonders, "what would it be like to have that?"  Airy, of course already knows the answer. It would be nice. He stares and stares until he closes his eyes and leans on his chair. He takes a deep breath in. His hands are unmoving and laid on the arms of his chair as though he was asleep then he moved them up to his face.

He cupped his own face. He pretended it was someone else cupping his face. Someone with soft and warm hands. Someone who would be gentle with everything as they slowly rubbed his cheeks with their thumbs. Someone he did not have with him. And someone he was certainly not.

He continued to cup his face and rub his cheeks. He felt something wet on his thumb. Was that a tear? He pretended that the someone cupping his face slowly rubbed the tear away. "Don't cry Airy." He pretended that someone said that to him as they wiped away his tear. Their tone would be low, comforting and gentle. Their voice would be soothing and beautiful.

He slowly took his hands off his face. He held his own hands.

He intertwined the fingers. He pretended that the someone was holding his hand, tight. He liked that feeling. The feeling that someone was comforting him.

He stopped holding his own hands and moved his arms to wrap around himself.

He was hugging himself. The hug was quite soft. He felt fuzzy and warm while pretending that someone was holding him like this. He traced his own shoulders with his own fingers, pretending those fingers belonged to someone else. He felt his arms on his chest and pretended it was someone pressed softly against him as they were hugging him.

Tonight, rather than sleeping in his bed he stayed in the room with the contestants, the globe, the computer, the someone. The someone who didn't exist, the someone he created to pretend that someone was there with him. Pretend that they were soothing him to go to sleep, that they fell asleep with him. They hugged and cuddled, held hands and comforted eachother. Airy loved this. It wasn't real but he didn't care. He could feels someone's touch, as long as he pretended. He fell asleep happy and awoke destroyed. Where was the someone? Why weren't they here? Did they leave? Why did they leave? Wh- oh, they didn't exist in the first place.

Airy sighed. It didn't matter now. He stood up from his chair and picked up his basket. His basket that was empty, empty with no reeds. He went out to pick the reeds. What happened last night did not matter. His desire for physical contact did not matter.

Because it would never be fulfilled.

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Word count (excluding this): 1043
So um this was my first attempt at angst. Um I do not know how to write sad scenes so um yeah. Also, I am not a very observant viewer of hfjone so am sorry if somethings don't make sense.
Also I really like Airy. Especially the writing of him on Ao3 like chef kiss.

Also fun fact, I used to think chef's kiss was french kiss.
Anyways, I just wanna say I hope you enjoyed and goodbye and see you probably never.