Painfully Vacant

Chapter 1

 Owen's POV

I loved another person for the first time in my life and I swear I did it right. I catered, I cared, I compromised. As a man I know the effort starts with us and leaves on its own, but the confusion stays with us, forever. I'll never know if it was me or her who got bored, and women don't think we do this, but I swear I can't stop rereading our old text. 

I altered myself a lot when I was in a relationship with her. I knew she liked guys who smoked so I picked that up like any old bad habit. I smoked everyday to get better at it, but I had to quit when I turned twenty seven.

I went to get a physical, my first one in about two years and the doctor crouches in front of me, takes out his stethoscope, presses it against the left side of my chest, tells me to breathe in through my nose, and exhale through my mouth. Then he tells me he's gotta listen to it again so I do it two more times and he finally stands tall, looks me dead in the eyes and says:

"At twenty six your lungs should not sound like that," He crosses his arms and raises his brows. "No one's lungs should sound like that. You should look into a pulmonologist and do yourself a favor and quit the cancer sticks." 

I like to think, if he knew it was for her, then he'd begin to understand. Nevertheless, I did as he said and scheduled the appointment.

I liked this girl so much I retired all of my gym shorts, sweats, and my graphic tees that still fit me from high school. I now only wear jeans, the baggier the better and these billowy fucking blouses like Joey Gladstone from Full House. I did all of this so she could like me more and she did, but it didn't last long. 

I was just a freshman in college when I met her. I wore basketball shorts all year around,  I listened to The Last Shadow Puppets on repeat and ate dinner by myself. Sometimes it would vary from uncrustables to Maruchan ramen. I lost a lot of weight in college, but that was because I stayed on campus. If I lived at home I'd still be a chubby kid. I'm a fat guy at heart, but now I'm just skinny and tall.

I think I was happier when I was heavier because losing weight made me extremely conscious of myself. All of a sudden people could see me, she saw me and approached me first.

I remember seeing her leaving the dining hall, I was just trying to catch the bus. I had successfully eye banged her, imagined a relationship with her, figured it wouldn't work out, and walked right past. I told myself I'd only look back at her once and then get on the bus, but when I saw that she was looking right back at me I kind of froze up. I was such a pussy back then, but she was a challenge. She held my gaze and I briefly looked away to watch the crowd of other students shuffle closer to the bus as they gambled where it would pull to a stop. I looked back at her and she raised one of her dark eyebrows, but I just stood there like a dumbass. 

"So you're not going to ask me for my number?" She yelled. 

As our peers turned to look at me in question. Each of them pressuring me in some way and I just faked a laugh and nodded. This was my attempt at playing it cool. I didn't have to pull out my phone, it was already in my hand and as she walked up to me, the bus left, and I felt nothing short of despair. 

We were at the beginning, but I knew how it would end and I was right. She was going to break my fucking heart. 

"Ami Abrams." she said as she typed her number into my phone. Once she finished she looked at me again with both of her eyebrows raised and a little shake of her head, impatiently waiting for my introduction.
"Owen," I blurted out. "Sorry it's been a long day. I'm Owen Henry." She audibly snickered.
"You have two first names." she teased as she handed me my phone back. I frowned and tucked it into the pocket of my shorts.
"Yeah I guess so." This was all I could say because I didn't talk to girls. Not unless they were my sisters and I didn't willingly talk to them either.
"You're so, awkward, but that's okay." She chuckled, "I really like awkward people. It's fun to find out what's behind the walls." She said it so seductively, but it felt threatening. I could only think about everything I didn't want her to uncover.