Just My Type

1

After countless nights in hotel rooms, and other men trying to entertain me but not even getting a second look, I cannot stop thinking about the time we spent together.

I was single for the first time in all four years of college. It was winter break, senior year, and I had traveled home to Virginia. Whenever I'm home with my family, I always make it a lengthy stay- I go to school a twelve hour drive away and I am constantly missing them. They are my best friends. So when my college boyfriend and I decided over thanksgiving break senior year that we just weren't working anymore, I felt freedom for the first time in my hometown. I could kiss who and whatever I wanted. However, of course, that meant I had to talk to people. After going three years not entertaining anyone but the limp playdoh ball your boyfriend turned into, you don't remember any of your old tricks. Creating a dating profile is another big problem as well. You always want to seem fun, but not *too* fun, as to not scare them off.

"No no no go back he was cute!!" I screeched from my side of the couch at my mother. She had control of my phone, and had it hooked up to airplay to our TV so I could see her doings. I had just confided in her that I downloaded Bumble to get some attention back that I was missing in my life. Not that I was getting it in my previous relationship, but you know what I mean.

"Are you kidding?" My mother looked at me in disbelief. All through my adolescent years she and I had an understanding about my type, but once I hit college that all went out the window- I had no type, just anyone who showed me the slightest bit of attention got the golden ticket of taking me out of any bar that served tequila.

"He looked really nice. Like, he would take care of my cat when I was out of town." I looked up at the stairs leading to the hallway behind me, where three of my family's cats sat birdwatching out the window.

"And that's all he would do. He looked like mashed potatoes. You need a guy with some UMPH!" My mother made a motion with her arms that looked like she was jutting her pelvis out, her hands in tight fists. Her eyes looked up at the screen to the newest bachelor on our chopping block. "Ooh, like this guy! He has tattoos."

I looked up at the screen and rolled my eyes. "He looks like he hasn't showered in months." The man was standing next to a dismal looking swamp with his shirt off and a Bud Light in his hand. He was obviously on a camping trip, or at least, I hope he was, with how much dirt was on his skin. He was cute, but short. His biography was one line: "I make up for my height in other places" with a winking face emoji. He was everything I was absolutely NOT looking for in a man, but everything I have ever put up with in one as well.

"Hey, he could be extra scruffy in all the right places."

I could not keep in my disgust. 

"Might I remind you I'm *not* looking to add any STDs to my collection?" I try to reach for my phone next to me, but then remember that my mom was holding it and take hers sitting next to her instead.