Dear diary why am i alive..

Dear diary can you help me now

Dear diary, my suicide isn't an accident "I have been bullied since first grade mom!" ,I would yell too her tears burning my eyes. She would say back to me that "I was overreacting " and "its gonna be okay." My eyes burned with tears everyday I sat quiet in myROOM and would try not to think about things that happend in school,when my only peace was in my room . What my mom didn't know was that i had been cutting since second grade and I hid it pretty well on my stomache. I know what you guys are thinking, "WTF why is she so stupid!" The answer was clear that I was really young and didn't give two shits about my life anymore. My mom worked a lot and when she did come home she would ignore us or be really shitty to us. And I really didn't have a dad because he was never even home.My big sister the one who was supposed to be the role model..was shitty to me also and would lock me in my moms room when the phone rang and would have friends over a lot. It sucked. You might think,"MY FUCKING GOSH OH MY JESUS WTF YOUR LIFE ISN'T THAT BAD YOU WERE A FIRST GRADER UGH!!!" But belive me many times my mom would yell at me about doing things like locking myself in my room and never making eye contact with her,made me so pissed over the years that I never talked even in school or anywhere no one knew what I sounded like for 5 years. You might think i'm lying but I sang and talked to myself once in a while.Over the years of my mom trying to talk to me and spanking me just to get me to cry and be social..sucked so bad that im writing this on wattpad and letting you in on a sneak peek of my life. And it sucked so fucking bad guys..it did .I hate bringing past up but oh my fucking lord guys everyones like.."so whats your story? " I wanna break it down for them and say.I was beaten at school and i have no life now so whats yours? But I feel like that would be the most impossible to do now because america is horrible .So why even bother guys? No one will listen even if they do they forget and become the shittyest things alive it sucks so much oh my lord . When I was in 5th grade my life changed forever. My uncle and my mom got in a fight and my dad hated where we were living at the time and before they got into the fight were talking about moving .And when the fight went down my father sugguested we move quicker. I was ready.When we moved.I went to school for about a week then hell struck me in the ass with lava. It started over . I cried more and cut more and it sucked.sixth grade..was better but i started to go extreme goth and I had friends they were "emo ,scene,etc.I thought a boy liked me and I thought he was a friend but he really wasn't it hurt so bad. The lies ,rejection,being an outcast all your life is a bitch. I finally had enough and tried to commit suicide.But I really couldn't I didn't know what I wanted in life.But I decided to go along with it and do it taking pills. I'm not gonna say what happend but. It happend. No one deserves death even if they want it. IT SUCKED getting put in a room . No one would like it. But belive me i loved it alot knowing i was fine .that's my story . Hope you liked reading it.