The Colour Blue.

Gone

***

The air was crisp and the world was white the morning of November 21st. A nice, quiet day. Even the sun was trying to shine through the thick clouds. The kitchen smelled like cinnamon sugar and syrup, as it did most mornings. Mom did her best to make us breakfast before leaving for work.
This day, she was off. She really went all out for us with waffles and French toast.

But of course my family never had a good morning. We were eating in silence, exchanging glances and half smiles with my mother. She always made a big breakfast, but she was usually the only one to eat it.
The school bus passed the house without stopping. Me and Anne both saw it go by, and didn't do anything about. It was a Friday, we figured we could get a day off. We continue eating, feeding poco pieces of burnt edge under the table.

But inevitably, mom realized the time.

"Shit shit shitttt you guys missed the bus didn't you!"

Anne's poker face wasn't very good back then.

"Anne you could have said something!" My mother stood up, angrily picking up our plates, as Anne shovels a last bite of French toast into her mouth. The plates clink loudly in the sink. Anne swallows, and shouts back,
"I didn't realize either!" with a worried look in her eyes as she knew my mother wasn't happy.
"I try to do one good for you ungrateful kids and look where it gets me! Unbelievable."
"You're making me drive you to school Anne, that costs money you know. Money we don't have because of you!"

She raised her hand to Anne, and striked her cheek, immediately leaving a red handprint on her young freckled face.
Anne held her cheek, and her face started to get red and her eyes started to tear up. She started to sob on her way up the stairs, to her bedroom.

My moms facial expression dropped as she snapped back to reality. She looked me dead in my eyes with this look in her own, like shock, but also accomplishment.  I ignored her, rolled my eyes and ran off after Anne. I knew something was up with my mother, she would go through these episodes of violence.

I hugged Anne for so long while she wept into my sweater.
"It's not your fault Anne. You know that, don't you?" I brush her golden hair behind her ear and look into her big beautiful eyes. She nods.
"We need to get ready for school. I'll get you a milkshake on the way home too!"
"But it's not Wednesday..." she says between sniffles.
"My treat. I have some extra change anyway."
She smiled and started putting her shoes on. I could hear the car start outside while I helped her zip her jacket, and pulled mine on.
We grabbed our bags, and Anne and I got in the back seat, which was littered with McDonald's wrappers.
So much for not having any extra money to spend.

Mom pulled out of our driveway. I admired our little trailer, for what I didn't know would be my last time. Light brown siding, barely holding on. Bicycles on the front porch, which should have been put in the shed months ago.  Homemade wind chimes sang out in the wind, and a tire swing danced to its song.

I knew that when we pulled out of the driveway we would turn right, towards the school. Once we got there I'd give Anne one last hug and we would go our separate ways, and by the time we got home everything will have settled down.

Mom pulled out and turned left.

"Mom.... where are we going?" Anne asked, nervously. The road we were on was taking us out of town, over the bridge and towards birch lake.
Mom looked up to the rear view mirror. There was a look in her eyes I've never seen before. She looked angry, of course, but there was so many other emotions behind her eyes, too. Sadness, regret, confusion, revenge.  I got a lump in my throat knowing something was wrong.
That's not my mother.
She gripped the steering wheel, and we started accelerating. Anne let out a scared whimper as she inched closer to me.

I could taste the burnt rubber on my tongue as the car takes control. I see the bridge nearing and leaving my sight, as we fly away, and all in a moment, we are under the water.
It was cold. And blue. And quiet. My ears ring out a song while I search the teal torture for my sister.
I was in a world of blue, no other colours. Navy. sapphire. cobalt. indigo. Teal. cerulean.
I could feel the water already in my lungs as I was plunged under the water along with the weight of our 2002 Chevrolet.

From what I could tell from the blue blur,
Anne was not in the seat next to me, missing, and my mother was in the windshield. Her scarlet and crimson spilling out to make deep purples in the water. I seemed to be the only one conscious.
I fought with the buckle of my seat, opened the door, and fell out. After a few short glances, I found my little sister, floating in front of me with almost a glow. Her dress was having fun in the waves, her homemade necklaces barely holding on.

Her limp body danced and swayed and waltzed in the blue, as if she was dancing with the water all around her. I looked and I looked and I drowned and I drowned as the water curled like smoke between my lungs, and tugged the air away. I imagined there were ballerinas in my chest, pulling the breath from my lungs like silk; two lovers dancing over my still, dying heart.
The world was quiet for once, aside from the orchestra playing for me from the bottom of the lake. I could see them as well as hear them, standing in front of the white pearly gates.

***