aromantic heart, a romantic heart (Bungo stray dogs)

1. Just a bit different

It was just a week ago since Atsushi met the ADA and started working there. And it's been going great, up until today.

When Atsushi was 7 years old, they started to twitch slightly sometimes. It wasn't much, but over time it got worse. By the time he was 13 he was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome, which causes them to sometimes make sounds, movements, or say random words. It is completely out of his control, but he still gets upset with himself when he tics.

Whenever they're around anyone from the ADA he does their best to suppress their tics, so that they won't think that he's weird. Usually when they suppresses their tics all day they gets a tic attack at home, but if that's what it takes for the ADA to not think he's some freak, then so be it.

But today his tics have been worse, and it's harder for him to suppress them.
Right now they're sitting in his chair in the office, trying to suppress their tics with little to no avail. He's just hoping that no one notices. He always has a small fidget spinner with him, which slightly helps him with his anxiety and sometimes his tics too. But of course it doesn't help today.

He notices Ranpo looking at him slightly confused. He panics a bit at the thought that he might have realized that Atsushi has Tourette's. You idiot! He has probably already realized that you have Tourette's! You freak! Atsushi's tics gets a bit worse as he starts to panic, and he gets that familiar feeling in his neck right before a tic. He wasn't able to suppress the tic in his neck, and his neck snaps to the side, pretty hard. Now Ranpo looks at Atsushi like he just figured something out. Atsushi realizes this and decides that he should leave and go to the bathroom, so that he can calm down a bit.

He stands up, hoping not to draw to much attention to him as he starts to walk out of the room.
He's about a meter away from the door, when suddenly Fukuzawa opens it and walks in. Atsushi is now standing right it front of him, his tics trying to force their way out, as he tries his best to suppress them.

Fukuzawa seems do notice that something is wrong as he asks "Are you okay, Atsushi?"
Atsushi tries to answer, but his mouth doesn't move. You're useless! You can't even answer a simple question! Everyone is gonna know you're a disgusting freak! It's getting harder to breath.

"I-I can't-" he tries to get the sentence out. His vision gets blurry as his eyes gets filled with tears.
He can't suppress his tics anymore. "Can't-can't b-breath" is all he's able to say.
The familiar feeling in his neck is there again, like it's taunting him. Their tics makes them hit their head, it hurts.
He feels a familiar hand on his shoulder all of a sudden. He flinches slightly at the sudden touch, but soon he hears a voice telling them to breath.

"Shhhh" says the voice, "breath with me, in and out" the voice says. Atsushi tries to breath with the voice, but it's hard when his tics makes him whistle, jerk his neck, and hit himself and the voice.
Suddenly they have their head pressed again someone's —the voice's?— chest. He hears their heartbeat and feels their chest rise up and down when they breath in and out. He tries to follow their breathing once again, this time it actually works better.

"Can you hear me, Atsushi?" says the voice, Dazai! The voice is Dazai's! "Mhm" Atsushi quietly responds to the question. "Okay, good" they hear Dazai say. "Can you see?" He asks.
"I don't know" Atsushi says, as they starts to panic a little again. Their tics hits Dazai's arm slightly, and they once again, panics a bit more. "I-i'm sorry, Dazai! I didn't mean to!" They says quickly.
"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it, Atsushi" Atsushi now feels more confused that panicked. What does he mean "he knows"?
"Atsushi" he hears a new voice say. It's Ranpo this time. "Are you alright?" He is still twitching slightly, but it's way better than before. "I think so?" They answer.

"Here" Ranpo suddenly says while handing him a lollipop. "Sometimes thinking about something or doing something, like eating for example, can help with some people with their tics." Ranpo says.
"You know about my Tourette's?" Atsushi asks.
"Yes" This time it's Kunikida who responds. "Ranpo noticed the day you arrived here that you were ticcing slightly, and that you were trying to suppress them."
"How did you notice that I was trying to suppress my tics?" Atsushi asks Ranpo.
"I know what tics can look like, because I have tics" Ranpo answers.

Ranpo said that he had tics like it was something normal. Cause maybe it is normal, just a bit different