Isla Haraya: Maria (Published under IMMAC)

Chapter 10: After One

Trigger warning: May contain sensitive topics such as death, sex, profanity, suicide, self-harm, drugs, alcohol, mental health, sexuality, etc. Please be guided accordingly and read at your own risk.— ;

One day.

It took them one day to find out that the last time they saw me or talked to me was indeed the last time. Despite the horrible circumstances of that last interaction, there was no way for them to change anything, and neither could I. A part of me wanted to have at least one last chance to have the perfect goodbye but then again, I lived my life knowing that perfection is overrated and there was no little to no chance of ever achieving a perfect life, a perfect relationship, a perfect job, much more a perfect goodbye.

So, even if it hurt that the last words I heard and read from my parents and my older brother all brought me pain, at least I knew what they really thought of me.

And maybe, just maybe, those were what made me snap that night.

One week.

It took them one week to finally gather all my things from the cabin but with Nanay and Tatay leading that packing, I guess I could not be surprised that they missed my diary because they probably thought it was a second bible...or they thought I would never touch the drawer with the bible in it. They have always called me the demon child anyway. They felt like the term "black sheep" was too mild for someone who could not shut her mouth and be their version of respectful so they branded me as evil and never took it back.

Even in death, the mere thought of it still stung.

One month.

It took them just one month to return to their regular routine. They assigned Daniel to clear up my place but it took him more than one month to clean it all up. During that time, he made the decision that he wanted to stay in my apartment.

"Don't do this to yourself, Daniel," I whispered as I stood next to him, talking to him as if he could hear me. And trust me, I tried, but I am sure that he could not see or hear me...despite the fact that he tried to talk to me almost all the time.

It pained me to watch him clean up the place, keeping it the way I liked it—the way I left it. Every night, he would light a candle and talk to me as if he knew I was still around.

"Hey, Ria...I'm not sure where you are now but I hope things are better there." He sat on a chair as he looked at the candle, the small flame dancing to the wind. "I talked to the police about you and finding your killer but they told me that I should stop looking for a killer because there's none," he said, gritting his teeth towards the end of the sentence.

Looking up at the familiar and uninteresting ceiling, I felt his words clutch my heart tightly. "Daniel, no. Please don't hold onto that," I whispered, begging for whatever deity was watching over us to let him hear me even just once so I could tell him to let go of that theory and believe the police.

This time, they are right.

"They keep on telling me that you killed yourself but I don't believe it." He shook his head. "No. No," he firmly said. "You would never leave us without saying goodbye, right?" He started with such a strong tone yet fell soft at the last word as he always did whenever he asked me to confirm something. "Right?"

Crouching in front of him, I could clearly see how tired he had become—the dark circles around his eyes, his lifeless gaze, chapped lips, and sunken cheeks. It was safe to say that it affected him the most. My death really took a toll on him and I had no idea how I could make him feel better because there is no rewind button that could magically bring me back to life. The decision I made is permanent and I am "living" with the consequences just as they are living with the aftermath.