Struggling to Connect: The 6th Book

Chapter 23: Signs in the Seawater

The trip to Oceanside is mostly quiet and uneventful. A couple walkers to kill but I mostly spend my time with Judith and RJ playing eye spy. The training was intense but successful and everyone feels good when it's over. Everyone except me. I feel lost out here on the waters edge, wishing I was safely tucked away behind the walls of Alexandria.

A little while after the training during the lunch break, the elders and leaders of the communities are called together to meet. Judith and the other kids were playing in the sand when they came across a mask. One of Alpha's, no doubt. The meeting wasn't much, mostly just informing everyone of what was found. When it's over, the few of us from Alexandria head over to the communications room to connect with our home. Aaron gets on the radio while Michonne, Daryl, Ezekiel, Cyndie and I huddle around as he gives them the report, "we've come across a mask. It's from her group. The kids found it by the estuary. River must've carried it down."

The radio cackles before Gabriel gets back from the other side, "what does it mean? Are they back?"

"We don't know" I reply, "but Alexandria should go on lockdown just in case.

Aaron steps up, not allowing fear to take control and hitting the button, "hold on. We don't have evidence to justify that." Everyone looks at him, so I sputter, "it's just a mask. It could mean nothing. Everything's melting now that winter is over.."

Michonne eyes him, but I guess sort of agrees with him and tells Gabriel and I while clicking over the radio again, "my official recommendation is that everyone should stay on alert until further notice. Eyes and ears open. That's it."

Gabriel clicks back on, "copy that. Over and out."

"Over and out." Aaron replies, but looks over to me and then Michonne, "I appreciate your caution, and I get it, but we do not need to start a panic."

"A lot of stuff washed up ashore from the recent storm. Th-This might not mean anything." Cyndie agrees with me.

"Or it might mean something." Daryl adds from where he rests against the doors entrance.

Aaron argues to her, "look, no one saw Alpha's herd move out, so maybe no one saw them move back in. But if there's a mask, maybe there are other signs of them out there. We owe it to our people to be sure"

Michonne sighs but nods, "I'll gather a group.
We'll leave in five."

"I'm-a hang back for a bit. I'll catch up." Daryl tells her.

I quickly add on, "yea, me too." It's not that I don't believe the mask is new and means something, it's that I'm too afraid to let that be true. I'm not ready to face her again, to face the pain of that day last fall. So I'm playing it off like it is nothing to worry about yet.

Michonne nods to me but looks to Daryl and mutters, "tell her not to leave again without saying goodbye." She refers to Carol who left on the latest boat expedition from ocean side.

"Alright." Daryl nods in agreement and she leaves, everyone else leaving behind her. Daryl eyes me from where he stands and I just sort of stare through him, "you iight Sadie-Mae?"

I blink back to reality when I hear my name escape from his lips, "huh?" I ask.

"Are you iight?" He just repeats himself. I nod up and down a few times to assure him I am and he just clicks his tongue, "iight, I'll see ya at the docks in a bit" and he turns to leave.

After he leaves, I take the biggest exhale out and realize I'm about to be on the verge of a panic attack. I decide to try and walk it off, not sure how I'm going to work my way through this when things start to get blurry. Luckily, I don't get too far into my walk of shallow breaths when dog comes running over to me and rubs up against my legs, "hey, you" I explain happily as I bend down to pet him. I spend the next 15 minutes or so sitting on the ground with dog regaining my breath and regular vision. When I feel good enough to move, I stand up to make my way to the docks to greet Carol and the others.

As I approach the dock, dog runs off to greet Daryl, "Hi. Hi, buddy. Hi." He pets him and plays with him

"Think you lost something" I say when I catch up.

"No, he just likes you better." Daryl returns in disagreement. I smile and laugh as he smooches for dog to jump on him so he can give him some attention. He pets his chest, "good Dog" praising him for listening. The bell rings for the boat arriving and I spend the rest of the day helping the crew take off their haul and store and prepare it, Daryl walking off with Carol once she said all her

However, the calmness is short lived as Eugene radios over that a satellite has entered the earth's atmosphere and the crash will cause chaos we have to take care of. Every abled body at Oceanside heads out to tackle the scene, needing to put out the fire that would destroy Oceanside if we allowed it. Michonne hesitates for a brief second as we arrive, realizing it's on Alpha's side of the markers. Aaron argues that what we are doing is beneficial to them and has to be done and she nods to agree. It takes hours, the night turning into sunrise before we manage to get the fire blocked off and put out. Everyone's tired, hot and smelly but relieved nothing worse had happened. After everything, I tell Michonne I'm gonna take a short detour before heading back to Oceanside, "Daryl and I will come with." Carol says as I go to walk off. Although I wish they didn't, I just nod and agree while walking ahead of them.

It doesn't take long to go where I'm headed and I walk out into the clearing and to the edge of the cliff. It's another barrier of their land verse ours. The three of us stare off and Daryl utters out to Carol, "you still wanna run away together?"

"Yeah." She replies, "tomorrow."

Daryl pauses for a moment before saying back, "look, I need you to stay." She doesn't answer, so he adds, "just think about it. Otherwise, I'm gonna have to punch holes in all them boats."

He walks off leaving Carol and I up top. I break the silence by asking, "you two made plans to run away?"

"You aren't the only one she hurt that night, Sadie." Carol responds back coldly.

I stand tall, ready to defend myself against her accusations, "and I've never acted like I was."

"I'm not referring to me or Henry" she eyes me just briefly enough so I can follow her eyes to where she glances too. She glances over in the direction of where Daryl walked off too.

I nod my head in understanding but reply, "his heart doesn't belong to me anymore." I wonder if Daryl ever told her about her, I wonder if she knows what happened to her, to them. I shake the what if's from my mind and reply, "but thanks for the heads up."

I walk off towards Daryl, knowing Carol will give us a brief moment of time together. When I get to where he's standing, "you gon make a habit running off now?"

He shrugs one shoulder and mumbles, "just talk"

"Hey, you don't have to lie to me. Running away from all this sounds like a good idea to me." I open up, a small smile on my lips, "just don't go without saying goodbye, yah?"

"You been seeing Lydia around? She doin' ok?" He questions.

My heart tightens as her name crosses his lips and I shake my head, "why do you have to ask me that? You know I can't.." I choke up, unable to say the words Alpha said to me.

"She's a kid, she has a past, yew of all people understand that." He tells me, "she's not her mom."

My heart tightens and cracks more as he mentions the past referring to my sister, "why does it have to be me, huh? Why not her?" I refer back to Carol behind me up the hill.

Daryl shrugs and nods, "after Henry, of course it can't be her. I don't know why she picked you, but Sadie-Mae.." he steps one big step closer to me, "I'm just glad it was you, cause you're still here." I take a huge inhale and hold it in, biting my lower lip while he pauses then steps back, bending his head down to walk away.