It would be a complete and utter lie if I were to tell you that things were not extremely awkward and tense after Jake left the apartment's door step. Because things were exactly that. In fact, extremely awkward and tense is a very big understatement. Me, being my stupid air head self, didn't even notice it until Lauren and I decided to call it a night. She stomped into my room and took her place in the pile of pillows she'd been sleeping on in the floor, facing away from me. I, of course, thought nothing of it and headed straight to my bed settling myself in.
Lauren let out a frustrated and annoyed sigh as she began tossing and turning in her pillow pile, not bothering to look at me. I smiled at her, but she didn't see. I tried smilimg again. This time a more exaggerated smile that took up my entire face. Lauren only glared. I hadn't a clue why. I'd been expecting fun and games as it was the night before.
Figuring that she was PMSing or something I chose to leave her be. That disicion failed at about ten minuets after I'd put it into effect when I got bored and threw a pillow at her face. Direct hit.
"WHAT," Lauren sits straight up and shouts at me. Her eyes and general posture show pure agitation. Her shoulders are stiff. Her hair is a tangled mess. And I can practically see the smoke escaping from her ears. I'm too frightened to speak. "What,"she says again. "What is possibly so incredibly important that you needed ever so terribly to disturb me? Oh, wait. Let me guess. You broke a nail? You had another nightmare? Or did you forget something again? Did you get an absolutely adorable text message from your ever so perfect boyfriend telling you he loves you? Of course you didn't. He does not care enough for that. Did you--"
"Stop," I say. My voice unbelievably small. She does and puts her hands on her hips awaiting my response. "Why are you acting this way?" My voice is still small. Lauren stands, grabs a pillow and leaves the room.
Overcome with anger, frustration, loathing, and whatever else I was feeling at the time, I follow. I find Lauren sitting cris cross on the couch with the telivision's remote in her hand. Suddenly I am filled with an inexplicable fury that takes over as I begin screaming at my friend. I hardly recall what was said, I blacked out somewhere towards the beginning. All I remember is that it was loud. That I was loud. That my whole world became loud. And that my best friend, of four years, just sat there and took it.
My shouting ceased. Lauren sat there. So still. Tears rolling down her beautiful rosy cheeks. Her brown hair covering one of her pail blue tear filled eyes, as the other surrendered to her emotions. Lauren's lips start to quiver. Several almost silent sobs escape her. Followed by many, slightly louder sobs. And several more. Each increasing in length and dynamics as they fall. The sobbing soon transitions to full on wailing. A deafening, depressing, continuous wail. And it was my fault. I had no idea at all what horrifying awful things I had said to her. But I still did.
I regretted every last word of it. Every single fraze every word, every breath I had taken in those last moments I immediately wished to take back the second I saw the look in her eyes. The feeling of regret transformed into an utter loathing, but not for Lauren, for myself.I was despicable. I disgusted myself. I had no right at all to even look at her.
I told myself awful things in the moments between my realization and my attempt to take it all back. Putting myself down in each and every way possible once I realized the loath worthy and despicable thing I had done. I had made Lauren cry, and not just cry but really really wail. Lauren. My best friend. The one that's been there for me through thick and thin, and everything in between. The one who helped me when I cried. I had made her cry, and now it was my turn to help her.
Placing my hand on her shoulder I take a seat next to Lauren. She's curled up into some form of a ball now, sobbing still. I begin to shush her, rubbing my hand on her back in attempt to calm her down. She eases up a bit and takes tight hold of my free hand. Her tears still persist. What on earth did you say to her? You're such a horrid excuse for a friend!
