Help Or Be Safe

Only Part.

I was sitting in my boyfriends lap, my spot. When I saw the crowd. They all ganged up against this one little kid. My boyfriend and his friend got up to go help but they made me stay. I was mad. I may be a girl but I can help too. I'm not totally useless. They helped the poor kid and came back. I on the other hand wanted to take the matters on my own hands. I went over there and yelled and did whatever I could. When I left my Boyfriend wasn't there. The rest of my friends told me he left. I knew it was my fault and of course felt guilty. I love my boyfriend more than life itself. More than the clouds and the rain. More than a blanket in winter or music when I'm alone. I tried chasing after him but he had went to far. My phone had buzzed and I thought it was him and my heart did flips when I saw it was. But it wasn't. We had an awkward text conversation that I didn't want to end just so that way I could at least talk to him somehow. I ran home and fled to my room, laying on the bed letting my thoughts consume me. All it did was made it worse and the tears started flowing. I didn't mean to hurt my baby. My love. I just wanted to help. I can never lose him and right now that's what I'm scared of. I'm not scared of a tornado that can come. I'm not scared of the murderers around. I'm not scared of the mind that I have and being lost in it. I'm not scared of my necklace choking me or falling off a horse. I'm not scared of anything except that detail. That one little detail consuming my mind . I can't lose him. All I wanted to do was walk to his house and hug him tight begging for forgiveness. I walked out of the house to see the storm and to hear the thunder but I didn't care. I headed in the direction I knew it was true. I walked and walked. Hoping maybe the lightning would strike and take away all of my pain anyways. No. I couldn't think like that. He wouldn't want me to. I kept walking and finally got to the house. I stood for a minute just looking around. I saw the park where we first kissed and had our first date. I saw the porch where we would just go and sit. I saw the ledge where we went and just looked at the stars. I saw the roof where I would often catch him climbing. I saw it all. I knocked on the door but looked around to see his parents weren't home and went in instead. I walked up to his room but stopped at the door. I put my head in my hands and just sat with my back to the door. What if this was a bad idea.. Maybe I shouldn't have come. What if he gets even more mad. I was already here. No. I need to go in. I stood up and slowly turned the doorknob to see him laying on his bed with the lights off. I stood by the bed for a second and I knew he knew I was there. Finally I crawled in the bed and slid over next to him. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I bury my head in his shoulder and whisper I'm sorry. "I know you don't want me hurt and I know I need to just listen. I know I want to help but my health is important to and I need to learn that" I whispered it in his ears "I love you. Please don't me mad." I unwrapped my arms from his waist and stood up, starting to walk away. Hoping maybe he would catch me and want me to stay. He got up and grabbed me by the waist pulling me back down onto the bed. I buried my face into his chest and he rubbed my back.
"shhh. Kumi. Get some rest." I closed my eyes and fell asleep in the arms of the boy I fell in love with.