Family away from family

Chapter 18. Getting some training in

2 august 2021

Tomorrow we have a friendly against Chelsea. Well we... the team, I don't think I'm playing because today will be my first training. Besides both teams are missing some crucial players who are still active at the Olympics. So, is this game a big deal? Meh not really. God, I would love to feel something for football again. I'm really falling out of love with the game.

While thinking about it, it reminds me why I was not selected to go play for team GB at the Olympics. Exactly, not enjoying the game. I need my focus back. I literally haven't done anything to get better at playing with my head and heart and enjoying what I do. Like I said to Leah, everybody is moving forward and I'm stuck. I need to step up my game, literally.

Back to the most important thing of this day, I'm getting back to training.

Before I am able to achieve that I need, like desperately need, to talk with Beth. I called her and asked if we could ride together to training. I would pick her up on the way. She wasn't enthusiastic but, in the end, accepted my offer.

In my car I'm mentally preparing myself for what I'm about to say to Beth. I haven't really thought about it before, I just knew I wanted to talk to her first. We need to train together and there can be no tension between us.

To be fair I'm nervous. I know we don't love each other like that kiss insinuated, but I hope we didn't ruin our friendship and boy I hope we didn't ruin both our relationships. That would be a disaster.

She gets in the car and I immediately feel the awkward tension rise between us. We share a small 'hi' before driving off.

I didn't want the awkward silence to last too long, so I immediately speak up. "Beth I'm sorry but I'm also not sorry for kissing you. I know it was stupid and it won't happen again, but in that moment, I needed some sort of affection. I am sorry about the fact I took you into the drama." She lets my ramble go on and doesn't interrupt my confession.

She is fidgeting with her fingers and looks down to her hands. "It wasn't just you in that situation you know? I'm also sorry I went through with the kiss and I'm not proud, absolutely not, but like you said in that moment it felt right." She says calm.

I didn't know she would see it the way I saw it. "Well in that case I uhm, I don't know what to say. I thought you would hate me." I chuckle dryly.

It's the first time she looks my way. "I can never hate you, you are my go-to person. Just promise me we will never do such thing ever again." She holds her pinky up for me to do the same with a small smile.

We both pinky-promise on never ever doing it again. I'm so glad we are friends again, I hated every second of ignoring each other. "Do you think Daan and Luce will forgive us?" I ask insecure.

"To be fair they will be mad, they have all the rights to be, but in the end, I think they will forgive us." She answers truthfully.

"You sound like Leah, she said the same thing."

She looks my way with a 'what did you do' look. "Gozer, you told Leah?!" She exclaims not really being mad but more surprised.

"I'm sorry..." I whine. "She was really demanding in knowing why I was not in training and I let it slip by accident." I say using my puppy dog eyes to reduce the damage.

"It's a good thing I trust her." She says looking at the road again.

Before we get out of the car and make our way into the building, Beth kindly lets me know that Katie is angry at me. Like almost raging angry. Which makes this day at least ten times better, loving it already.