facetime confessions🤭

evergreen (wasn't such a bad dream)

❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖ ❁. 01

pink carnations and lavender bluebells dance in the wind as your laugh is dimmed by the vast garden. you look to the side of you, there, the boy of your dreams sits there. he laughs alongside you, his hearty laugh filling your ears. he takes your hand in his and he leans in closer, putting his head on your shoulder. you rest your head on top his, and all is perfect. you think you could die here, and you'd be perfectly fine with it.

the bees and butterflies in the sky flow with the wind, and they surround the two of you, singing their songs and comforting you. the sun goes to rest as the moon slowly wakes, filling the sky with an array of colors.

"i love you," he says, not looking up. and in that moment, you think you love him too. you love the way his hair curls, the way his dorky smile brightens up any room, the way his face bunches up when he's confused. you love all of it, and you tell him. you tell him how you melt whenever his eyes are on you, whenever he smiles in your direction. and you don't stop telling him until everything falls apart and your ears ring. you don't stop telling him until your silly little dream is gone.

you jolt awake as the afternoon bell rings throughout the school. drool drips down your chin and your sweater's in disarray. you bet you look absolutely stupid, and its proven so when a familiar laugh rings out beside you.

"what?" you scornfully ask. your eyelids are heavy and you're so close to falling back asleep, but you don't. its the end of the day, and, like everyone else, you have to go home.

"how was your sleep?" ashton asks, knowingly ignoring your mood. you roll your eyes as you put your backpack over your shoulder. "it was whatever."

he laughs again as he stays by your side (and you never want him to stray), and the two of you walk out of the classroom, out of the school, and into the cold winter afternoon. you talk to him to distract you from the cold, and he talks to you more. he talks to you like you're the only person in the world, and all you can think is how much you love him. you would tell him, you want to tell him, but you can't bring yourself to. 7 years of friendship that you weren't willing to risk over a crush you swear will soon go away (7 years of unrequited love).

it's late by the time you two reach your neighborhood, and you part at your door. you look at his ear instead of his eyes (because you know that if you make eye contact you'll melt) and you say your goodbyes. ashton nods, and walks to his house to the side of yours. you breathed out a breath you didn't know you were holding, and you lock the door and go to your room.

even though you just slept your last class away, you want to go back to bed, to dream the foolish dreams you have, because at least he knows of your love in there. and so you sleep. you don't go downstairs when your mom calls you for dinner, you don't change or brush your teeth. you ignore any phone calls or text messages that make your phone buzz and you don't do your homework. instead you sleep, to get away from reality, to get away from the truth. sleeping is your outlet for one sided love and hardships during school. it helps make problems disappear, and replaces them with sweet dreams that you wish were true. it helps you escape, and you always did love escapology when you were young.

and when a new day begins, you get up before your alarm, do the same routine you've been doing your whole life, and leave for school. or, you try to leave for school, because the moment you step out of your house, ashton is there waiting for you.

"you're up early today, huh?" he smirks, tilting his head in a way that makes you just want to cry. you stare at him for a few minutes, basking in his positive mood. "..y/n?" he asks after a few minutes of you staring, "you ok?"

you successfully snap out of the trance you were in, and you muster up the words, "yeah, yeah. just- i- i'm just tired."

he raises an eyebrow at your terrible wording, but says nothing. he just reaches out his hand for you to take, and you do. the feeling of his hand in yours engraves itself into your skin. it burns, but like most people you prefer the warm over the cold. winter break is approaching, and you're not as exited as most people to be staying home and rotting in bed.

"hey," ashton starts again, looking over to you. your hands are still intertwined and his cheeks turned pink from the cold. you feel foolish to think the pink is from you, so you pretend. "my parents want to invite your family over for dinner. that cool?"

and then he smiles this big, bright smile, and you cant help but fall for the millionth time. you love this boy, and he doesn't know, and you plan to keep it that way. so instead of screaming how much you want to kiss him, you croak, "yeah. yeah, sure, my mom would enjoy that," and silence approaches once again.

its comforting, the quietness that surrounds you both. it's not awkward like when you're around your mom, it's not judgmental like with your dad. it's peaceful and soft and beautiful. the only sound the two of you make is the soft footsteps on the concrete ground, and sooner than you'd like, you reached the school entrance.

ashton drops your hand, and the cold snaps you out of your daydreams. as you look up from the ground, you take notice to his glances. "what?" you tilt your head. he turns away, and your heart feels like it's about to shatter. "nothing." he mumbles, then louder, he says, "i'll, uh, see you during lunch break."

with a swift nod, he heads off to his first period, and you do too. as soon as you step into your class, your body puts on autopilot and you block out any noise from that point on. every class was boring and mundane, most dedicated to quick quizzes that you didn't study for or "fun" activities to pass the time before winter break, and soon, the beginning lunch bell rang.

shoving your hand into your bag, you finally found the paper bag you shoved snacks into this morning. not very nutritious but enough to keep your stomach from growling all day. as you open your almost expired snack, a crash echoed throughout the classroom, and you immediately knew what happened. ashton emerged from the small crowd of people nice enough to care about his fall, and walked up to you with a toothy smile and crinkled eyes.

he steals a chair from another desk, puts it across yours, and takes out his lunchbox. ever since you both were little, he has sat across from you every day at lunch, not asking for permission and not caring. he's always taken initiative into making sure you weren't lonely, so you found yourself with him almost all day. you never minded being alone, but ever since ashton came, you found yourself having a dislike for one-person lunches or walking home without anyone to talk to. it frustrates you, how ashton cares. it makes you want to scream and cry and yell at him to stop, but you can't help but be selfish. you can't help wanting to stay next to him hours at a time and how you want to keep his kindness all to yourself. you hate it. you hate him. you hate you.

the frustration is threatening to show, so you decide to leave. you get up, much to the dismay of ashton, you tell him you're going to eat someplace else, and you.. go. just like that. you push him away because what can you do but make sure you don't fall more? so, you leave, and you don't take your lunch with you. you leave him there, and you don't look back.

[a/n: help me omg wtf im being held hostage what is going on]