Everything Has Changed

3

There's nothing worse than the feeling of complete loneliness. Like everyone in the world has someone while you're just on your own. Everyone has a friend group, they have friends but you're just not good enough for that.

Despite having this feeling for years I've never quite gotten used to it. I've always wanted to belong to something. Belong to a friend group, a family. Some are lucky to be blessed with having both, some are lucky to get one or the other. Then there's people like me who will never be good enough.

I wish I could be. I wish I had a family who was alive, happy, and in my life. I wish I had one of those kinds of friend groups. The ones that are always there for eachother, go to parties every weekend, they seem to have the best kind of lives. They don't even know it either.

Starting off my morning with these kinds of thoughts were not how I wanted to start my day. But thinking back to the words the guys said to me last night I just couldn't help it. I don't know how anyone could be so cruel? Especially to a person they don't know.

I would never talk to a person as if they were unwanted unless they did something to wrong me. Even if my presence was a surprise or unwelcome it didn't mean they had to be rude. I did nothing to them yet five seconds into even meeting them they decided they hated me.

I got out of my bed walking towards my mirror, trying to tame my curls the best I could. Which was quickly proving to be an impossible task as they just got frizzier. I sighed in frustration as I grabbed onto a hair tie, pulling it back into a low bun. I frowned as I looked at myself in the mirror.
I looked like a mess. Not in an 'im hideous' kind of way but the kind that you can tell it hasn't been a good few days. My eyes were red, so red that anyone could easily tell I was either crying or smoking.

What made it obvious that I was crying was the now dried up mascara that ran along the side of my face. I frowned as I reached for a makeup wipe and started scrubbing at my skin. Stopping when I hear a knock on the door.

I glanced towards the door then back at the mirror, seeing the mascara stains were all gone. "Come in"

The door opens up and in walks Elizabeth, she frowns when she sees me. "Oh honey" she whispers as she shuts the door behind her and makes her way towards me. She pulls me into a hug. "Why are you crying?" she asks as she pulls away and looks down at me.

I shrugged my shoulders as I put my face back into her shoulder. "Im sorry I didn't realize how rough this transition was going to be for you"

I shook my head at her words. "No it's not that. I just feel-" I cut myself off as I shake my head. "What's wrong?" she asks, tilting her head. "Do you ever feel completely unwanted? Like no matter what you'll never be good enough?"

She furrowed her eyebrows as she looked down at me. "Who put those thoughts into your head?" she asks, looking mad. I shook my head at her. I wasn't going to be bringing drama into her household after she brought me in. I don't know anyone else who would be kind enough to bring in a teenager.

And while they didn't adopt me that doesn't mean I'll be disrespectful to them. They brought me in, gave me a house to live in, a new phone, a personal driver-bodyguard. Only a really shitty person could be awful to a person who showed you that much kindness.

"No one in particular. I've just never felt good enough"

Yep definitely going to shut up now. I have the worst case of blabber mouth I swear. I just met this woman for the first time yesterday. She doesn't want to hear about all of my problems.

She frowns as she grabs onto my hand. "Was it about the boys?" She asks, looking sincere. I froze in my spot at the question as she nodded her head in understandment. "They don't trust easily but I've already talked to them about it last night. Their behavior will stop. They act like this with everyone but they eventually stop."

She drops her hand and offers me a smile. "They're kind of like guard dogs, territorial and scary at first but once they get to know you. Well I just know they'll be more than happy to have you around"

She glances towards the door. "Now come down with me, we're all gonna go watch a movie." I tilted my head as I smiled up at her. "What kind?" She shrugs her shoulders as she smiles back down at me. "You're picking"

She grabs onto my arm and starts pulling me towards the door. I quickly shut my door behind me. When we got downstairs everyone was already there and I watched as Elizabeth went towards Matthew as soon as she saw him, giving him a kiss on the forehead then sitting down right beside him.

I looked towards the couch to see the only spot open was a spot between Hudson and Caden.

Great. That's just great.

I frowned, walking towards the spot and sitting down. Ignoring as all the boys looked my way with a frown. "So what are we watching?" Matthew asks as he looks my way. Caden hands me the remote, more like drops it onto my lap.

I grabbed onto the remote as I looked through the movies on the screen.

The Notebook? Hell no. Wrong audience, wrong timing. If we watched that movie I would cry and I am not crying infront of these people.

Clueless? Clueless is an amazing movie but I'm willing to bet that the guys would hate watching it. And I don't want to piss them off even more. They already hate me and for the foreseeable future I'm going to be living with them. So I might as well try to not make them hate me more than they already do.

The Breakfast Club? That movie pisses me off. How does a girl that's constantly getting sexually assaulted end up liking or having a thing for the guy who's assaulting her at the end of the movie? Other than that it's pretty good but c'mon.

Ooh was that The Shining?
I've always had a thing for older movies. I don't like when movies are constantly bringing up things that have been made in the past like two decades. Like why have iphones?

I clicked on it hearing groans of protest coming from around me. I frowned as I looked around at everyone. "What's wrong?" I asked, hoping I didn't do anything wrong.

What if they hate horror movies?

Hudson, Caden, and Jordan all looked annoyed but August looked ecstatic, a smile on his face. "August is obsessed with The Shining. Weve probably watched it like a million times" I looked back towards the remote, as I was about to back out.

As much as I love The Shining. I want us to watch something everyone would be happy to watch.

Caden grabbed the remote from my hands and went back into The Shining pressing play. Ignoring me the whole time as he did so.

August and I had been the only ones to really pay attention during the movie. The rest of them had spent the rest of the movie whispering to one another.

The boys kept looking towards me with a smirk as they whispered to each other which was making me feel rather insecure.

I didn't like being stared at when I didn't know the reason. Elizabeth and Mattew ended up leaving about halfway through the movie, leaving as all alone.

Thankfully they didn't say anything to me. Unthankfully they didn't say anything to me. It didn't feel awkward but when the movie was done and they all instantly left, not even bothering to say a single word to me.

It made me feel like shit. It made me feel so awful. I didn't even know why. It's nothing new, I should be used to this. Yet I'm not, and I don't know if I ever will be at this point.

I get having trust issues but is it really necessary to completely ignore me?

I glared down at the couch cushion.

Fuck this.

I got up from my spot and headed back upstairs.