Ula's Destiny

It was past midnight when she suddenly woke up. She opened one eye to see if her headache had gone or if she still had to lie down to calm herself. She felt better now. 4 hours ago, she had an excruciating migraine and all she wanted was to faint or vanish from where she had been sitting since late afternoon. Waiting for him to come home had become a dreaded habit to her now.

She looked around to see if he was next to her or not, but the other side of the bed was empty. Ula was anxious to get divorce settlement papers signed from him any day now, if only he cared to sit with her for more than a minute. They had been married for over 2 years now with no children. She tried her best to conceive as she still believed having kids around would change Rammy somehow, make him a better man, a better husband, but he was not ready. He kept pushing "the baby making" process as he liked to call it. Lately he had been drinking nonstop, much to Ula's chagrin. Rammy was a celebrated firefighter in their small town. He had been on local news about saving an elderly couple just 2 weeks ago. Whenever she turned on the TV, there he was. Looking at her with those emerald green eyes that she had fallen for instantly upon their first meeting.

It was an autumn evening, in late October of 2015, a day etched in her brain forever. She had just finished her classes and Meru, her best friend from kindergarten, had called her to celebrate her café's success. She decided to walk instead of taking a cab and had just crossed the street across from Meru's café when she heard a loud shriek which rang in her ears, she looked around and could not see anybody. Then her gaze fell on the empty trash can lying about 60 yards away, she walked slowly towards it and found an orange cat was lying face down with its front paws badly injured and smelly black thing oozing out of its wound. She gasped loudly and wanted to pick it up immediately and then realized she might hurt it. She wasn't sure if it was a tom cat or a molly. While she was bent over and still deciding how to take care of the cat, she heard a raspy voice asking her what she was doing. She turned around immediately and found a strikingly handsome man about 6"3' wearing a fire fighter uniform looking at her intently with gorgeous green eyes. She wanted to ask for his help, but she couldn't move past his good looks. He came closer and saw what she was looking at, and immediately picked up the cat. Rammy didn't hesitate any further and said he would take care of it and wanted to know if Ula wanted to come along to the vet's. Without thinking she said yes.

She got up from bed and poured herself a glass of cold water. She looked out the window and saw two silhouettes passing by. They lived close to the main market and there was always little traffic in their tiny lane. She loved to watch people come and go. She liked to sit on her favorite sea blue rocking chair and watch. Or she would steal glances every now and then while reading a novel. But she had stopped doing all of that ever since she decided to leave Rammy. At first, she thought he would get better as they would spend more and more time together. But he just never liked to listen to her. She would keep blaming herself for obsessing over him during their courtship days while he was so blatantly not into her. She ignored all the signs. She tried to reason with herself even when he never called on her birthday or came to meet her. There were no belated gifts from him either. When she asked him, he casually replied that he doesn't like celebrating birthdays and would not want her to make a big deal out of his birthday as well. She kept quiet as she was really hurt at the time. He could have at least wished her, but she could see he was being honest and decided to let it go.

Just 2 months later, she was walking home one day from the grocery store and looked around to see a group of about 5-6 men yelling and laughing loudly on the other side of the road. There he was. She spotted him first. He didn't even seem to notice her. He was holding a big cake in his hand, and she could see all his front teeth while he was laughing with his mouth wide open. She couldn't believe her eyes. She just wanted to run up to him and slap him so hard. But she controlled herself and went home. She waited and waited and when he finally came home, without so much as looking in her direction said he was tired and wants to go to bed. She didn't care, she asked him point blank what he was doing on a busy road yelling with all those hooligans looking fully grown men behaving like some unruly teenagers. He looked at her and at first didn't understand what she meant. Then he realized what she was talking about. He didn't say anything, just walked up to her and punched her in her stomach. Hard. She fell immediately. Ula couldn't breathe for 2 minutes. She went into shock and thought she might have fainted or something, training her brain to think about anything other than what happened. He picked up his jacket from the back of the chair where he had aimlessly thrown when he had entered and left. Didn't even so much as look back once.

That was the first time he had raised his hands on her ever since their wedding about 3 weeks ago. She kept sitting on the dining room floor as moving her body would mean she had to come to terms with reality. She just wanted her million thoughts to evaporate into nothing. When she opened her eyes again it was 8 am. She didn't even have anywhere to go. Rammy had almost forced her to quit her dental assistant job even before they signed the marriage certificate. He used to talk big. Used to tell her he wants 4 kids and wants their mother to take care of them and not some "hired mother". His mother had left his dad because he was abusive. She never came back. He and his little brother raised themselves literally. Whenever he used to talk about his mother, he would cry a little.

She didn't want to think about the past anymore and went back to bed to sleep some more. But sleep eluded her. She turned on the TV while still lying and decided to watch a romantic comedy, but her brain was elsewhere. She had been planning to take her stuff and move into a separate apartment, but she didn't have any money. Rammy had made sure her entire savings would go into the deposit of the apartment and with the remaining amount, he bought himself a second-hand Harley Davidson. Called it a wedding present that he would cherish forever. She let out a small laugh. She could not believe that having been raised in an extremely loving Catholic family where her parents had adored her a kid, she would end up with such an abusive, controlling, and manipulative man. But then she could not blame anyone else for the situation she was in other than her own vain self. She hated herself for falling for his good looks. Because that was all he had. He was an empty shell from inside who did not want to change. Even after all this, she could not bring herself to hate him. However, she was sure she does not love the man she married anymore. She just wanted to leave him and start her life once again away from his grasp.

She knew that leaving him was not going to be easy. Getting married just 8 months after dating was a bad idea. Her mother was against their marriage from the start. But she was blindly in love and didn't listen to anyone. Even Meru never liked Rammy. Everyone she knew or was related to, was opposed to the idea of her getting married to Rammy. And here she was. 2 years later regretting that very decision. But dwelling on the past was not going to help her now. She had to stand up for herself and for her future. She was only 26 years old. Had forgotten what it was to celebrate and love life. She didn't even feel like wearing make up or dressing up after having gotten beat up by her husband every other week. She wanted to break free. She never told her parents about her abusive marriage, nor about her depressive episodes. She felt ashamed and embarrassed, she knew what victim shaming and victim blaming was and unconsciously, she was doing it to herself.

She needed a plan quick. She picked up the phone and dialled for Meru. As soon as she picked up, Meru was blabbering about something loudly. She was not making any sense. She asked her to slow down and then it hit her. She kept repeating the words. TV, turn on the TV. News. Right now. Her heart started beating very fast and she could not feel her hands or her feet. Her body had gone numb. Instinctively, she knew. She could sense it. It was about Rammy.

There was a huge fire in the newly opened restaurant just 2 miles from their home and at least 3 different fire stations had been called to the scene to put out the rapidly spreading fire. At least 2 showrooms next to the restaurant had caught fire and 4 casualties had been reported so far, with one being the firefighter who died on the spot when the roof collapsed. It was Rammy. They could not do anything to save him. It happened in an instant. His body was burned to a crisp. They could barely manage to save his partner who jumped onto the street as soon as the roof moved.

She put down the phone and plopped down on the sea blue chair and looked outside. It was October again and there was a chill in the wind. She opened the window and sighed loudly. She was free. At last. She did not feel anything. She just stared for over 2 hours before gathering the courage to get up and go him one last time.