......................

01

Kim Mingyu was absolutely broken after wonwoo's funeral. he hated this stupid world but what made him live on was jeon wonwoo. now that wonwoo is long gone, he has lost his will to live.

he hated that his destiny could be so cruel that it took wonwoo away from this damned world. he felt selfish to be thinking this way but to be honest he has not been able to properly think since the funeral at all.

he's filled with regret, life long guilt of what he was not able to tell wonwoo..... that he loved him. it did not sound right, no matter how many times he practiced the phrase on sleepless nights, the mirror would only show a broken vulnerable thing, it would tell mingyu that he did not deserve to even be close with wonwoo, that he did not deserve to be loved by him. and mingyu would listen to all that.

if only....
if only he could talk to wonwoo one last time, hug him and tell him he loves him.... just one last time.
but wonwoo was gone

mingyu was now shaking uncontrollably, his breathing uneven, trying to think back on memories of wonwoo. he was scared. what if mingyu forgets what wonwoo looks like? , what he sounds like?..... what he feels like.... what he made mingyu feel like.... it made him shudder.

mingyu felt so empty, he felt so light headed like he is hollow from inside, with no soul. he reached out for the table where an empty bottle of antidepressants was kept. he sighed in frustration and with all his might, called minghao to restock on his pills, he has good connections and could get any medicine or drugs, you name it.

but minghao did not just bring the pills, he also brought some news that made mingyu want to claw out his stomach.
"I'll leave now.... take care..... and Mr and Mrs jeon said, they will be waiting"
minghao bowed slightly, awkwardly hanging there when mingyu gave no response. he quietly left then.

"i-i don't want to go! "
mingyu said almost in a whisper, tugging harshly at his hair. Mr and Mrs Jeon wanted mingyu to help sort wonwoo's stuff and asked mingyu to help since he was quite close to wonwoo. it didn't feel right. he agin had this feeling that he did not deserved to be in wonwoo's place.

he felt sick to the stomach, he wanted to throw up but it would just make it worse.
this loss effected him physically.

he eventually dragged himself and dressed decently before heading out, dreading what was to come next.