It's another day, another day smiling without a reason to.
Another day faking my happiness.
Another day questioning me if I deserve to be alive.
But it's just another day.
I'm always so tired because of nothing but I'm always to try to convince myself that I'm just overreacting over myself.
Since 2021, I'm struggling with so much personal stuff. I tried to kill myself so I can't feel anything, but I can't leave my little sis with my parents.
They are the main reason of all my problems.
A father that was there but not THERE. A mother that was cheated by her husband(my father) and unloads on their daughters.
That made me, the middle child, have to be the kindest, the cutest, the sensitive person of the house; always trying to be best daughter so her mother doesn't make bad comments about her fat body.
The middle child that has for a big sister someone narcissistic and has for little sister someone that has to take care of.
And Mom, when you told me to kill myself, I really tried to. I almost killed myself on my birthday.
Fuck, I know my life is not that hard, but I still need my parents. Why they aren't there when I need them?
When I suffered bullying because of my skin color, because of my 4c hair, because of my weight.
When I was harassed by my elementary teacher. When I was harassed by my classmates in middle school.
My parents were never there for me.
For them, if I have food, if a sleep and wake up alive next day, I'm just fine. For them mental health is some shit created by white people. I tried to kill myself. But I can't tell them, my mom is capable of hitting me.
I just need a hug.
