Chapter 1
No-one knew of your deepest darkest secret not even your best friend Hanji, in your mind no-one must know, the consequences could be your demise.
The warm spring morning was very refreshing as the breeze gently tickled your face with your (h/c) flowing behind you, looking out across the field from where you stood you tried to smile, but it never appeared your secret was a heavy burden to bare and trying to keep it away from everyone else was hard work. Though you had that niggling feeling in the pit of your stomach that either or both Commander Erwin and Corporal Levi suspected something which made you blush a little at the thought of your commander, (why's this you ask let me start from the beginning).
*past event: the day before*
It was the day of the expedition and people were talking amongst themselves as they normally do before the order was giving to pay attention, you on the other hand never really spoke to people and kept to yourself in your own world of thoughts and memories. "(F/N)" a voice tried calling you back to reality "(F/ N)" you heard again this time you looked up and was startled to see Hanji's face centimetres away from yours with that weird goofy looking smile on her face "sheesh (F/N) do you know how much attention you bring when people have to yell for your attention" she giggled knowing she was the same when she talks about her beloved titans "hmmm... What is it Hanji?" You murmured a response "isn't this exciting ready and waiting to be released into the outside world?".
Sighing you and another voice spoke in unison "if you say so, please shut up?" Turning around you met the second voice which turned out to be Corporal Levi who was eying you, as both of you had thought and said the same thing, you added "please Hanji I don't need to hear anymore about it, you do realise you had me up till 3am non-stop talking" you snapped with irritation, "tch sounds about right" Levi also added. Everyone knew you and the Corporal were siblings and had similar thoughts, views and attitude and even he didn't know about your secret or did he?.
"Listen up" you heard the commander and this made everyone go silent but you was to busy letting your thoughts roam about the handsome Commander, then your eyes meet and you thought you saw him smile at you and in a split second it was gone and turned around and yelled "FORWARD!" and everyones horses galloped forward and out the gate.
The breeze was whistling quietly in your ears getting into formation and on towards your mission at hand.
*time skip*
Being left on your own in a land crawling with titans wasn't your idea of fun plus it was dangerous on many levels, the first thought in your mind was, 'what happens if someone finds out' you were panicking on the inside and calm on the outside. Some of your squad either scattered or got killed by they own panicked state, abnormal titans and they own impulses of saving they friends even though they should not go against orders.
'Damn this is shit' you sighed to yourself as a titan lunged itself towards you in open land which was the worst scenario you could think of. "Oh well" you muttered as you stood on your horses back and brought your arms in position as though you were about to shoot an arrow, you pulled your right arm back and let go, then a black shard shot from the black bow that materialised out of thin air and struck the titan in the mouth, lowering your arm down as the bow disappears you click your fingers and the black shard exploded in its mouth and blew the titans top half to smithereens.
Settling yourself back on your pure black stallion called demon as he was a wild horse you befriended and you never used reins or a saddle on him, demon was the fastest horse out of all the scouting legion. Soon after Levi's squad came rushing up to you, looking stunned at the remains of the titan you just killed.
"What!" You bluntly spoke, "n-nothing" Gunther replied Corporal Levi rode beside you "(F/N) are you alright? Where's your squad?" "Fine... And I don't know" your answer was short and he glared at you for being so distant (you and Levi were always close and he hated it when you were distant with him).
"We are talking when we get back!" He demanded rather than asked you just huffed back at him. And rode towards your destination in silence.
After dinner you were asked to go to Erwin's office and that's when you tried to stop yourself blushing and getting nervous thinking about being near your long time unrequited love. What seems like eternity you arrived to his office, with the door already open due to Eren leaving, step siding him you cleared your throat to gain attention of the commander and after looking into the room the corporal. You knew what was coming now, "Please come in Corporal (F/N) and take a seat" he pointed to the sofa near to where your brother was leaning by. Before you could sit down "what the hell has been wrong with you?" Levi impatiently asked, "nothing" was your response Erwin sighed after some shuffling noises he sat beside you and spoke softly gently grabbing your chin lifting it to face him "please tell me what's wrong, you've been acting odd as of late" you averted your gaze to the floor and whispered "Secrets within is a heavy burden to bare" got up and left, leaving both Erwin and Levi confused.
Night dawned quickly covering the sky in a blanket of dark blue with specks of white for stars, standing outside you breathed in the night air "(F/N)" came a voice behind not looking back to see whom it belonged to it continued "I wish to speak with you personally" this grabbed your attention Erwin put his cloak around your shoulders and pulled you towards him, whispering in your ear "I love you" turning around and before you could speak his lips pressed against yours.
After a few minutes pulling apart to gasp for air "I love you too but its not a good idea" you responded sadly the commander chuckled "its settled... Your now mine" wrapping his arms around you "don't worry Levi reluctantly approved" he added chuckling again. A few hours later you both parted for bed as an early rise was needed.
Climbing in bed your mind was a mess but eventually fell asleep a few hours later "(F/N)... (F/N)" Hanji screeched bursting through your door panting for oxygen, "You have to get up and join the search Commander Erwin's missing!" You bolted up and your insides collapsed 'no no no' you silently shouted and tears started to spill as Hanji pulled you into a hug before dragging you up.
*back to present*
"I know what I must do to save Erwin even if my demise is certain" you said to yourself clenching your fist with determination.
