It's 8:30, I'm late for my class as always, not that it matters anymore, lately I've been staring at a black hole that's sucking all my attention.
His name is Alhaitham and he's in my same grade here at the Akademya, when I get to class he's always staring outside the window, then the teacher calls him to the desk asking him to solve a problem and even though you could have sworn he was in his own world seconds before, he always confidently says the right thing and the answers come out of his mouth like they were always waiting in his mind just to be used.
Alhaitham, a perfect example of what I'll never be.
I sit near him and watch him stare outside as always, waiting for the teacher to call him out, but this time my name comes out of her mouth:
"Kaveh! Come solve this problem!"
*Why? Why me?*
I get to the desk and starting blurting out things that don't make any sense, even though I know the answer, or at least I think I do, it just can't seem to come out.
"Kaveh, I don't have all day."
*I know, I know, but I can't say anything!*
I try to get the words out as the only things that come through are futile words and endless mumbles.
"I don't know!"
*But it's not true!*
How stupid can I be? The only thing I end up doing is saying I don't know. Because I can't speak. Alhaitham is looking at me. I see it.
"May I go to the bathroom?"
The teacher looks at my blank face and nods, as she gestures towards Alhaitham.
"Go with him."
Alhaitham gets up and follows me, of all people in that class he was the one chosen.
"What's the matter?"
My mind's completely blank, I hear his voice coming out in a concerned tone and I answer.
"I can't get anything out!"
His gaze softens on me as I tell him this.
*And why's that?*
"Well, you know, sometimes i feel like this too."
*You, the confident straight A's student? What a joke.*
"Is that so? You really don't seem to struggle."
*Wait. Why am I being so superficial?*
Before I can even say anything he replies.
"You're right, I never struggled in school"
*Does that mean he often struggles in other things?*
"I know you don't. You're the best in class and you don't even try."
He just lets himself speak more.
"I know you're envious, I feel your eyes on me every time I solve a problem, or when I stare at the window, your eyes are just glued to my every performance, I know how you feel."
Alhaitham, he was always so unreachable, so much higher than me, and now he's looking at me like he's the one lacking something.
"What do you mean?!"
I don't know what is it with his composure, somehow gone.
"Look at you! Your pretty face, your radiant smile, your determination! It means nothing to be successful without trying in school when I look at you and my heart melts! I feel just like you, envious. You ache for my confidence while on the other hand you have a passion that makes feel guilty of being better than you!"
*Your heart? What? How can you even be envious of me? You're the one who's got everything I want!*
"What's with my smile? And my temper? I'm my sights you're the one who's got it, my only interest is school and seeing you being so good without even liking what you're doing makes me feel hopeless."
"Do you know how I'd die to be like you? The difference between us is that if you make efforts you succeed in school too, but I just can't be likeable!"
*I never thought about it, he must be so alone.*
The words tumble out of my mouth, uncontrollably.
"You are likable! I like you! You're just everything I would want to be! Everyday I look up to you and wish I was you!"
He too seems in a trance as he speaks.
"I like you too! I can't stand you always bringing yourself down because of your academic scores! You're much more than that, you might have not noticed, but once I stop staring at the window everyday and the lesson ends, I look at you with your friends and I wish I was the only talking so charmingly."
He brings himself close to me. My voice shakes.
"You think so? I... I thought you didn't care about me. You never talked to me or even considered me, you always just seemed so... Out of this world."
His cheeks light up.
*We're just pouring out our hearts at this point, are those of his sincere confessions?*
"Can we be friends? I just can't stand to keep staring at you silently, I want to join your laughs and your silly faces, I know I'm not much lovely but everytime you talk you just mesmerize me into listening, and even if I was unable to say it this whole time, I just always wished you would look up to me."
A bitter laugh escapes my mouth.
"Me? Look up to you? You don't even know for how much I've tried to be worthy of your consideration."
He speaks whole heartedly.
"You've always had more than that."
