Bound to love |BxB|

Chapter 5

I fucked up. Royally.

And that was an understatement of what I was going through. I wanted to vomit, cry and vomit again. I was an inch away from beating my head against a tree and screaming profanities at myself, the gentle pats of my feet doing very little to interrupt my sulking.

I had one job, and I already fucked it up.

How hard was it to get through my thick fucking head that I shouldn't see this man?

He was poisonous, disguised as a delicious sweet no soul could reject. Everyone ached to gobble him the second they laid their eyes on him, but little did they know, that bite wouldn't last for long. I did know that. I knew he would make me ill to my stomach, and eventually destroy me inside out— discard me like I never meant anything to him. He was only playing with me until he would start to crave something else.

He sought an everlasting adventure, addicted to the freedom that fresh companions brought him. He wanted nothing else but touch. No feelings, no love, no smiles, gifts or longing. No affection or time.

No one could make him settle down; I knew people like him.

Whereas I couldn't live without all of that. I couldn't touch a person before I had grown a bond with them. I wasn't able to give my body to another without knowing I was safe and they were going to treat it carefully.

I feared the very thing he thrived for.

And if I ever decided to give in, have a tiny taste of that bright flame of his, I would end up burning into dust. I couldn't touch him before I fell for him, and he, on the other hand, would touch me only when he was certain he could never fall for me. It wouldn't work out.

He would hurt me, he was already hurting me.

Because the thing was, somewhere in me, there was a part that wanted to see him— a part that had already caught a spark of that deadly blaze.

I was burning to hear his sombre baritone, burning to grace his sun-brushed skin and have a glimpse of those witty eyes that resembled the ones of a tiger. That was the very reason why I was walking down the path toward the horse table, even when every cell in me was screeching to turn around. I kept thinking about him, nothing else but him.

Maybe he would love me if I showed him what it was to love? Maybe he would take a piece of my heart and not let go? Maybe my fears were mere fiction, perhaps he wanted me the same way I wanted him?

Maybe he would understand me on a level no one did, see past my scars and battered mind.

But... it was all maybe.

Maybe I would show him what love was, maybe I would give him a piece of my heart, but maybe he would still throw me aside as if I had not affected him one bit. Maybe he wanted me, but not enough for more than a split second to ease his addiction. Maybe he would see me as a person who was too much work, a person he didn't want anything to do with.

I wanted a different result than he did, and I knew that only one of those two results had a much higher chance to come true. You couldn't force someone to like you, not to even mention anything about mating.

It's why I shouldn't be doing this.

Hiding from him and keeping our matebond secret had been my number one plan, but right now, when the red walls and the white framing of the horse stable met my gaze, I couldn't avoid him, thanks to my idiocy. I have no idea what possessed me when I agreed to see him, but here I was, stressed and anxious to the point where my heart was going to bounce out of my chest. How did he even know I worked at the stable? I couldn't ditch him either because I had to take care of the stall, and I knew he was waiting for me at the gates.