silly little hxh short stories

a painful game of uno

Context time! My lovely OC here is called Rasi, and the little, "nen dragon" is Astor. There WILL be lore in the actual fic, don't worry. Will be using 3rd person pov in these short things, but 1st person in the fic. Have a good read!  

this is also shit full of cursing and satire (also praise jinx)

and yes rasi has a dragon tail. why? ask me for that LORE

and ofc i ship Rasi with Fei, also because its part of the fic im writing so yuh
hf

           "HAHA! Take THAT, Phinks! Make the color red!" Rasi slaps down a plus four card, and sticks out her tongue at a clearly disgruntled eyebrow-less man.

"RASI! HOW COULD YOU? Now I have to do this to Danchou..." Phinks solemnly snaps at me, his gaze darting to Chrollo, who was sitting next to him. Slowly, Phinks takes a card from his hand, and with a short *fwip* noise, he places down another plus four card.

"I'm sorry, Danchou. Color is green now." Phinks sadly sniffs, and he looks away in a sort of mock despondency.

Chrollo gives him a look of betrayal and hurt, and painstakingly takes 8 cards, one by one, from the draw pile. Everyone sitting in the little circle is on edge, except Hisoka, who's helicoptering one of his Uno cards around with his Bungee Gum, occasionally whacking Illumi over the head with it.

"Alright, Shal, it's your turn." Chrollo turns to the blonde next to him, and Shalnark puts his hand to his chin, clearly thinking of a good move to play. Finally, he huffs, and drops a card from his playing hand, letting a green eight flutter down to the pile.

"It just had to be green..." He mutters, to no one in particular, and that earns sarcastic glare from Phinks.

Now, it's Hisoka's turn, and on a whim, everybody snaps their head to him, with their Gyo activated in order to ensure he doesn't pull some Texture Surprise fuckery. Hisoka looks mildly offended at everyone's mistrust, and he huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Avenge me, Illu~" Hisoka drawls, clearly unenthused at his shitty deck. As he says that, he puts down a green three, and then leans back and crosses his legs like the manwhore he is.

"Avenge yourself, clown." Illumi jadedly says, and he eloquently lets a red three slip out of his hand onto the playing pile. Meanwhile, the whole ring of uno players erupts into a chorus of, "OHHH, GET OWNED HISOKA!!" This earns Illumi the saddest puppy eyes he's ever seen from Hisoka, and Illumi is on the verge of sticking one of his needles down his throat.

Jinx is sitting next to Illumi, 6 cards underneath his little paw. Bearing his fangs in frustration, he draws a card, annoyed at not having a single red card or a three. "Stupid mortal game..." He mutters to himself, earning a snort from Hisoka. Jinx gives a withering glare to Hisoka, but Hisoka just shrugs.

It's Feitan's turn, and Rasi glimpses a plus four peeking out from his hand, and paired with that, he gives her a devilish grin, his mask partly down, revealing his canines.

"You wouldn't dare..." She whispers, narrowing her eyes at him. "C'mon, I have a red reverse card for this..."

"I no avenge Hisoka." He sneers, and starts to slowly pull the plus four from his hand, planning her demise.

Rasi leans in, and hisses a mocking, "Oh, fuck you..." to Fei, and he just flips the plus four out of his hand, perfectly landing it on top of the pile.

"You already did." He whispers back, enthused at this stupid card game.

"Card color yellow."

This earns him a glare from Rasi, and a tail slap to the face. Grumbling, she draws four cards, and waves to Phinks to make his move. However, before playing his card, Phinks leans in and whispers, "You two... you know- nevermind, I'm not going to ask."

Rasi glares at him, and jokingly snaps, "You better not, because if you do, Astor here is going to deep fry you so bad that you're gonna be the next KFC rat." 

Phinks withers under her look, and shyly places down a yellow six, still a little scared of the crazy woman seated next to him.

The gang continues to play uno, and Rasi even brings out Astor at one point, threatening to disintegrate Hisoka into ashes because he instinctively used texture surprise on a card. Hisoka then complained that it was cheating, and that got the wall next to him obliterated, shutting him up.

It's the end of the game, Phinks and Shalnark both have Uno, and everyone is on edge.

And finally, Shal places down his last card, an Uno wild card. There was no way to change the color or outcome, because Chrollo didn't have any good cards.

Unfortunately, due to how smart everyone was, the game was too well played, and lasted for 3 f*cking hours, leading to it being 2 in the morning by the time the game finished, and Machi walking in on them and nearly having a heart attack because she didn't know they were still playing. The gang was also extremely drunk by the end (Uvo walked in with a sh*t ton of beer), and that resulted in Phinks having a mental breakdown, Hisoka kissing Illumi, Rasi and Fei flying out of the ceiling on Astor, Jinx contemplating his own existence, Chrollo unironically reading The Lorax x The Onceler oneshots on wattpad, and Shal playing Undertale while handstanding.

When Machi walked in, she saw Phinks slowly crying himself to sleep surrounded by a puddle of tears and broken shards of glass, Hisoka bungee gumming Illumi to the wall, a giant hole in the ceiling, a black cat chugging beer, Chrollo with the most mortified expression ever, and Shalnark screaming Megalovania.

"What. Is. Going. On." She demands, sternly glaring at them all.

"Machi, I just witnessed the Onceler commit the most inhumane and vile atrocities known to man to the Lorax." Chrollo whimpered, tossing away his phone, and shuffling away from it.

"I- WHAT? Danchou, are you oka-" Machi starts, but is quickly interrupted.

"No Machi, I need a therapist. Like, now." Chrollo says, his eyes tearing up.

"GUYS? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" Machi yells again, hoping for a response.

"GooOO, I mean IllUuuUU~" Hisoka moans in the corner, earning a look of sheer horror from Illumi.

Jinx goes and sits next to Phinks, and also starts crying himself a river.

Machi has severe PTSD at this point, and starts longingly glancing at a full crate of beer.

Shalnark has stopped playing Undertale, and is now eating the uno cards like a crazed coyote.

Suddenly, Astor bursts in through the ceiling again, making another hole and sprinkling sheetrock everywhere. 

"YEEEHAWWW!" Rasi screams, now donning a cowboy hat. Feitan sits behind her, also wearing a cowboy hat. Fei is laughing in his iconic little laugh, and Astor looks drunk out of his mind too. Just how much alcohol did Uvogin bring...?

Talk about a crazy night.

"Yeah, I'm going to uh, go sleep." Machi stammers, and she bolts out the room, on the verge of mental collapse.



The End of this short story! Thank you for reading whatever tf this is!
Next up, Rasi speedruns Heaven's Arena with a frying pan! And if i write it, there will be a revamped and more detailed version in the actual fic im planning to write~

its like 2am for me im gonna work on this later

UP NEXT
RASI SPEEDRUNS HEAVENS ARENA WITH A F*CKING FRYING PAN