3am

1

Every lie is so sweet it tastes a little bitter on the tongue, it's never true. It's bad how something so believable can turn out so miserable into a squished ball of hope and sadness,nothing will ever make me happy.

I can't fully explain what 3 am does to you until you know what it does to you. A normal person teared open with their thoughts in a matter of seconds and the pieces are so torn and crumbled their can never be perfect or fixed with something you would find in a first aid box.

The voices grow deep, the sound of the whispering tingles your spine and the imaginary eyes staring at you is enough to drive you insane yet I still see darkness. The smell of fear, alone in my bedroom with no one to tell me it's alright in my most needed times, alone, forever alone.

I just need help, I scratch at my skin to let my sins spill yet I still fill like 10,000 bricks are balanced on my shoulders sinking me into quick sand as I hold my breath. Never in a million years I thought I'd be that girl, the one who struggles on her own, the one who needs everyone but they don't need her. It's a tough side of life but it sinks in your soul as a tattoo would drown on the skin, pencils and paper.

I crawl from my cardboard like bed and sit on the stone cold carpet in the corner hoping my sobs drown out the voices in my head, Never anymore I trust them, last time could have been the last breath. The air I breathe is foggy and hard to smell the faults of life. I curl up to the broken radiator and relax letting the chill from the metal rub against my back. "P-please leave." I whisper yet the voices grew stronger and I couldn't help it, I lashed out, flipping my shell over and all the memories it contained. I hit my head with my hands begging for them to stop yet no sign of thinning out.

"H-help P-please." I breathe.

I heard running and the door click which means it's open.

Someone dragged me to my bed, I need to be free yet the voices held me in a cage.

"What are you doing out of bed, you little selfish brat." Mrs Felix spoke

"Help!" I pleaded yet she showed no sign of sorrow.

"You're in here for help, don't we help you, grow up, and realise your mind is worthless, you are worthless!" She spoke

Tears rolled down my pale white cheeks, I need help yet this is help, supposedly. Since day one of rehab this is what I get after feeling so alone, even in a crowded room. Mrs felix can tear you apart in matter of seconds and make you feel so useless just trying to help.

I know what your thinking 'rehab? Why is she in rehab?' I get that a lot, after my time in an all girls school, torn apart by all the inconsiderate human beings, I finally decided I should find a way out and leave. I overdosed 5 times on sleeping pills but that just led me back here or at my waste of space 'home', After that I tried to jump into the highway yet someone had to stop me, then I decided to drown myself which lead to me being here, which is pointless anyway. I know when I'm out of here I will try again and again till I succeed. I really hate it here and at home, my so called mother doesn't give a shit and when she does, she cares about the wrong things...

Mrs felix knocked my out of my trance by pulling my hair. "Where you even listening to me?"

"Ummmm...."

"I knew it, inconsiderate little waste of air, you need to be taught a lessons." She spoke pulling me to me feet by my hair.

She pushed my down again, just when I was gonna get up she kicked me in my abdomen. I felt nothing, I can't feel anything, I'm immune to pain.

She punched my square in the face, kicked me back down and then kicked my face, I could feel a lump of purple gain on my cheek and blood drip down my face.

"Don't ever wake me up in the middle of the night, do it again and you will be sorry." She spoke with a nasty tone.

I nodded my head feeling an ache form, it's not that I can't feel pain sometimes it's just I know what it feels like because I've felt it so much.

She left with one last glance of disgust, I don't care what she thinks but all of that is true, why would anyone want me her? I don't understand why she didn't kick me out on the street or back home in the first place.

I knew this was going to be a long night, no sleep. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep for another 4 days due to insomnia but hey, I deserve it

......