I Give Up

I arrive,
Happy and fresh,
Ready and excited

To celebrate the goodness.
I am eager and keen to have a good time.
As I smile from the bubbles of anticipation whizzing around my stomach,

I begin to see the crowd...
I see more people,

Many are happy and joyful.
They're there like me,

To celebrate...
I smile at them and say hello to the many faces I see,

They look shocked and surprised to see me...
I question their judgemental glares as I wonder,

'What have I done wrong?'

I see their drinks swilling in their fingers as their backs begin to face me.
I try to edge my way back into the circle of giggles and talking,

They push me away.
I stand still,

My eyes glazed and absent.
Suddenly they call me over,

I think, 'yes! They've noticed me!'

But then it begins,

They start to ask questions,

As to why I am there.

They begin to tell me that nobody wants me there,

They tell me to leave and that I am not wanted,

Not there, not anywhere...
My heart,
My head,
My body,

Numb...

I feel pricks of stinging begin to pinch my eyes as cheeks begin to burn.

'Don't let them see you,

Don't show them that you're weakened,

Weakened by their remarks'-

'Stay strong' I think...

But it's too late,

My palms, clammy,

My cheeks, streaming,

My neck, sweating.

I walk quickly away from the chanting and laughing,

My vision, spinning,

My heart, beginning to break.

I look down and walk,

My eyes drowning in a sea of emotion.

Another piece of me chiselled away by their cruel remarks and perceptions...

I give up.