Hidden Pain...

Get back to your mental home.

There may be a few spelling mistakes but oh well, so yeah.....:P xx

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday 16th March

2am.

I lay awake silently. Trying to get bad thoughts out of my head, That feeling when you are tired but you just can't drift off. When i eventually did drift off into a light sleep a dream was spinning round my head, it seemed like it was on repeat...

6am.

As i stepped out of my warm bed the cold air seemed to swallow me up. I wanted the covers to grab me and let me sleep in, but i had to resist. I shook myself to wake up then I started to put on my school uniform, the dull brown colour made me even more depressed. What an exciting tuesday morning! I thought to myself.

6:30am.

My boring 'bran flakes' got stuck in my dry mouth. I was dreading school! I had to face them all, They would look at me like i was mad.. like i was out of my mind. They would make their usual "get back to your mental home" commets! Oh joy.

7am.

Hoodie up, eyes down. I left the house not even bothering to shout 'goodbye' to my step mum. She wouldn't care if i did or didn't. I swear she hates me. Ever since mum died she has had this power over me, like i didn't have to go over to hers everyother week, so i can do more chores, whoopeee! My dad doesn't like the way she treats me, but he claims he can't do anything about it. I mean what the hell does that even mean?!!!

8am.

What have I done to deserve this. So many people hate me! I said one thing and they think i'm bonkers. I could barely hear my music over the shouting school kids, They're all mad i swear.

8:45am.

As i slowly take the walk of shame to my lesson i can hear people calling my name, i choose to ignore the calls. A teacher came out of one of the Maths classrooms she says to me "honey i think your friends are calling you, shouldn't you answer them?" haha hasn't she noticed? They're not my friends dearryy!

10am.

Break is here at last. I get some peace and quite, hahah as if!! I start running, it's as if a drum is beating over and over again in my head. Once i'm in my usual place (the loo's, classy i know!) I grab out my book, I say it's my 'eating' place but i never eat. I hardly ever have an appetite these days..

12noon.

Let the taunting begin. As i have nowhere better to go i am in my form. I sat down, my book covering my face. A tall blonde girl named Natasha snatched my book out of my hands. She silently read the blurb to herself. "hahaha, what even is this! Load of rubbish!" I jumped up desperatly trying to grab my book back! "give it here!" i yelled at the top of my lungs! I hate people insulting what I'm reading! Books are great, In my mind there is no such thing as a bad book! I guess Natasha thinks differently. She holds my book above her head, she towers over me as i jump to reach the impossible height. This is another thing i dislike about myself, my height. Natasha threw my book to another girl, she was plump and her name was Becky. I cringed at the sight of my book flying through the air. I rushed to see if i could reach it but i didn't run fast enough! "wierdo! You're not getting this back anytime soon! Go back to the loo's where you belong!" shouted Becky. Natasha and all the other girls screamed with laughter! "Hilarious." I said quietly, I didn't dare say it any louder than that. I guess this is just another day in the life of me..

3pm.

I walked to the bus by myself. What a surprise! not. There seemed to be a hole in me where my book should be..Oh well i thought to myself, i should have known better and not have brought it in to school. Oh yay even better, I get to spend the rest of the day with my beloved stepmum...

8:45pm.

As soon as i got through the door i got "MAKE SURE YOU DO ALL YOUR JOBS AND STUFF,FIRST BRING ME A TEA!" from my stepmum. Honestly sometimes i feel like Cinderella! Minus the looks i suppose.. I have no time to bother with the way i look. I come to school looking pale, no make-up, i barely have time to do my hair! As i get on with my jobs the endless drumming inside my head returned, it makes me feel sick, my head spinning round and round and round and round and round and round......

10pm.

The bruses on my arms throb, i guess i better put a long sleeve t-shirt and a brave face on, That's what i have to do...