Autumn Haze

36: 'The one where I feel like I'm going crazy...'

I place my headphones over my head as I walk along my street I was seconds away from home and quite frankly I just want to get into bed and watch the office US, fine I admit it I'm binging again for the tenth time. 

I smile slightly as I allow the soft breeze to wash over me. My eyes widen when I see my mother staggering towards me with a determined glint in her eye.

'Autumn.'

I take a brief step backwards, 'Mother.'

'You've received an offer.'

'What are you talking about?'

'William's family has offered to pay us $30,000, if you retract your statement.'

I scoff loudly, 'Are you fucking kidding me? You mean I've been offered some fucking hush money.'

'Look sweetheart I really need the money.'

'I don't care.'

'What? Autumn I'm your mom and I need help.'

'No I don't fucking care, if you were truly my mom, you wouldn't even consider taking money of these people. You'd just care about your daughter getting justice.'

'You don't need justice you're fine.'

Hot tears burn the corner of my eyes, 'I'm not fucking fine! And I'm so sick and tired of you pretending that everything is always okay because you can't be fucking bothered to care.'

'Autumn?'  A soft voice says from behind me, I turn my head to see Luke standing behind me with an unreadable expression.

My mom scoffs, 'Great lover boy has arrived.'

'Lydia, I'm only going to say this once...fuck off.' He snaps, 'I'm having a shitty day and seeing you make my girlfriend cry isn't helping.'

I reach forward and entwine my hand with his, he squeezes it gently as he pulls me closer.

'We will talk about this later Autumn.'

Luke shakes his head, 'No you won't.'

I study his facial features as I hear my mom's footsteps slowly go into the distance, 'Why...why have you had a bad day?'

'Something bad has happened.'

My stomach drops violently, 'W-What's happened?'

He squeezes his eyes shut, 'Toby's been in a car accident, his mom called me earlier.'

'W-What?'

Luke's eyes glaze over as his voice begins to break, 'They don't know if he's going to be okay...I know he's been trying to make up and he's been in a bad place, but I just couldn't forgive him. A-And now it might be too late.'

'Luke you can't blame yourself.'

'Yes I fucking can! He fucking let me down, he let all of us down and I was so fucking pissed at him! But he was my first friend, he...he was the one person I thought I could rely on.'

'He's going to be okay.' I say softly as I wrap my arms around him as tight as humanly possibly.

'You don't know that.'

'Toby is a fighter.'

A small sob spills from Luke's lips, 'Why did he have to change? Why couldn't of he just fucking talked to me? If he was going through a shit time or he was struggling with his mental health, he...he should have known that he can talk to me...He was on fucking drugs that's why he crashed his fucking car.'

My entire stomach drops with all the gravity in the entire fucking universe along side of it when the words Luke's been saying finally process in my mind, 'I don't know, I wish I did. Do the others know?'

'Sam...Sam's on his way he's going to take me to the hospital because I don't think I'm in the right state of mind to drive.'

'What about Scarlett?'

He runs a hand over his face, 'I don't think she can face it.'

'She loved him.'

My heart aches in the most painful way possible when I see Sammy's car pull up and the expression on his face says it all.

'Are you coming?' Luke asks softly.

I nod hesitantly, '...Yeah.'

If it was any other day I would have snorted and rolled my eyes at Lucas acting all chivalrous by offering me the passengers seat  and opening the door for me. But I couldn't, I couldn't find it in me to even act like myself.

The second I'm sat inside I launch onto Sammy like he's going to disappear in a matter of seconds, 'Are you okay?'

He shakes his head, 'No.'

'I'm here for you and I'm here to support you through all of this.' I whisper as I gently stroke his head, 'I promise, I'm not going anywhere.'

'I love him.'

'I know you do.'

'I wish I didn't.'

'I know.'

...

A feeling of just pure numbness floods through me as I walk into the hospital room, hot tears burn the corner of my eyes when I see someone who I treasured more then life itself lying there with various tubes coming out of different parts of his body.

'Hey buddy.' Lucas whispers softly as if he's speaking to a child, 'It's me, Sam and Autumn. We've just come to see you.'

'Can he hear us?'

He shrugs, 'I don't know...but I hope he knows we're still here for him even after everything. Because we where once a family and a family will see all your ugliness and help you find the beauty that you once where.'

A sharp sob leaves Sammy's lips as he sits on the chair beside Toby's bed, 'He's going to be so annoyed when he wakes up and realises that his hair has been parted the wrong way.'

I nod as a sad smile graces my lips, 'He was always proud about his hair.'

'His luscious blonde locks.'

'A direct quote from the man himself.'  A soft female voice says from behind me.

My entire body freezes for a moment, I turn my head to see Scarlett standing there with a tear-stained face.

'Scarlett?'

'Rocky left work early so that I could come...he said it was important for me to see him despite what happened.'

'I thought Rocky hated him?'

She winces, 'He isn't Toby's biggest fan but he knows that I once was...he is going to be okay isn't he?'

Luke shakes his head, 'They don't know.'

'But it's Toby he's going to be okay, he has to be...h-he can't die with me being mad at him, he can't think that I'm mad at him. He has to know that we're okay, that I forgive him.' She whimpers.

'He'll know.'

'No we won't.'

'Well...' Sammy swallows harshly, 'When he wakes up you can tell him and I'm going to be here to help support him, he's going to get sober for real this time and I'm not going to leave his side.'

'We know you didn't really mean anything that happened buddy. You just lost yourself and you tried to find yourself in different ways but them ways weren't you, but we can be here to help you find you again.' Lucas whispers as he sits on the chair opposite Sammy and gently grabs Toby's hand.

'So you need to wake up!' I whisper loudly as my voice cracks continuously, 'So that we can help you.'