Daylight [Breakable Heaven #2]

12. There's nothing to be insecure about

The Skype ringtone announces Rachel's incoming call. I click on the green button and my friend's smiling face appears on my computer screen.

"Bee!" we squeal simultaneously. We haven't been able to talk properly in days, and I've missed her. We text constantly, but it's been a while since our last video call.

She tells me everything about her new job in a bakery—the reason why she's been so busy lately—and how her working hours make it difficult for her to spend time with Quinn, despite living together. It makes me feel quite lucky that Rory and I work together and we have pretty much the same schedule. We might finish work late every night, but at least we can spend time together at school during the breaks. Besides, during the summer everything slows down in Spain, and the students are becoming lazier, so there have been a lot of cancelations lately, allowing us teachers to have more free time.

"What about you?" she asks when she's done talking.

"Well, looks like I have a new friend in my life."

Rachel looks at me puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Lilian. We've been talking a lot lately, and two days ago she brought me dinner and we spent the evening together. It was nice." I sigh. It really was nice, and we've been texting regularly ever since. Having Lilian back in my life has been surprisingly pleasant and easy. I thought there would be old feelings resurfacing—either of love or resentment—but so far there haven't been any. It's just been nice.

My friend's eyebrow arches. "Nice?" she repeats.

I nod. "Yeah, nice. I mean, it's Lilian, you know? If we put aside all the drama of the past year—well, two years, almost—she's still the person I lived with for a good chunk of my life, my partner, my friend, my family. Not that she's any of these things anymore—we're working on the friends part, and then we'll see about the family one, but still... it's Lilian."

Rachel purses her lips. Her reaction is making me feel a little anxious. I just can't read her expression, and she's not helping by remaining silent.

"Bee?" I nudge her.

"I'm sorry, Bee, but you have to admit, this is quite shocking. You spent the better part of last year either wallowing for this woman or insulting her, and now that she's back, after she showed up at your door unannounced while you were naked with your current girlfriend, she told you she still loves you and that she would like to have you back... how can you be friends with her now and call it nice?"

"I don't know, it just is," I shrug. "Look, Bee, I know it's an unusual situation. You're right, us being friends is pretty unbelievable. Yet here we are, and I swear to you, it works. As I said, it's been nice. I guess I had forgotten how good of a time we can have together."

My friend sighs. "Look, Bee, I know that I loved Lil when you two were together. We used to spend so much time together that she became a sort of friend to me over the years, and not just your girlfriend. But what she did to you... I don't think I can ever forgive that, and honestly, I don't know how you can."

Rachel is right, what Lilian did was pretty unforgivable, but at the same time, I understand why she did it. I don't excuse it, but I get it. I was the one having to deal with Lilian's depression over the year, and I was the one knowing better than anybody else how bad it could get. And while it's true that Lilian never made a real effort to tackle her problem despite my pushing her to start therapy, I recognize that it hasn't been easy for her. Besides, it's not like I'm getting back together with her. She's just a friend, and it has been good so far, but there isn't the emotional attachment of when we were a couple. If she decides to disappear again—which I doubt she will ever do—she won't break my heart this time.