Once we all calm down we go down stairs only for me to laugh once more when I see Kev on the sofa dressed like he had just stepped out of the 80's with dicks drawn all over his face.
I shake my head and motion Joe to take a seat before grabbing a damp cloth from the kitchen and attempt to remove some of the pen. I was still holding a sleeping Liam in my arms as did this and Kev places a kiss on his head.
"Who are you?" My honorary brother says as he finally sees Joe. "I'm Joe."
"Kev." The two shake hands while V continues to walk around in her underwear. I smile when I notice Joe attempting to get Carl to stop staring at V. "I'm your maid of honor at your wedding and I didn't even know you had a brother." Fi states and I look up at V. "You have a brother?" I go back to scrubbing Kev's face ignoring his protests.
"Yh. I don't talk about him. he's a pain in my ass. Arrested for Aggravated assault, larceny and arson. bastard always doing something he shouldn't" V rants as she pulls on her dress from last night.
"Arson? Who?" Lip asks as he comes down stairs With his name written on his head with the letters inverted. "V's brother" I state finally getting one of the dicks of Kev's face, his skin underneath was now red and the friendly giant was glaring at me. "As in sibling brother or just a black guy brother?" Lip asks and I push his face away from me. "Be useful and grab the face cream from the bathroom and the apple sauce from the fridge" I say and he rolls his eyes but does what I ask anyway.
I put the cream on Kev's face to sooth the skin before unscrewing the apple sauce pouch and giving it to a now awake Liam. "Remember the fire at Curves in the mall? That was him" V informs us ignoring Lips question. "He loves setting fire to things and hates women. He was the perfect storm."
"He's nuts. No, I'm serious he's nuts. He came at me I had to fight my ass off. Then one time we were having a brew and he comes up to me, all: 'Ass, Cunt Fuck' on me." Kev says and by the way he replicated V's brother that there was a chance he had a form of Tourette's. I hit his shoulder lightly before going back to scrubbing more pen off his face.
"Is he retarded?" Fi asks sounding generally concerned. I throw the rag at her. She knew I hated others calling people that. She glares at me since the hit knocked her smoke into her coffee and throws the rag back at me. Kev catches it though before it could hit Liam.
"I wish Tourette's coupled with bipolar disorder and a drinking problem. He's a shrinks wet dream." V rushes out at she pulls her shoes back on and starts grabbing her things. "What are we gonna do?"
"Kick his ass back to prisons. If there's one person you can count on to really fuck things up. It's Marty." V states as if its the obvious before leaving. Kev following after kissing my head. I throw the cloth to Lip. "Your names on your forehead." He groans before taking the cloth to the bathroom to start scrubbing it off.
Fi rushes off after them wanting to meet Marty while I stay behind with the others. "So. Welcome to the mad house." I say turning to face Joe who had Carl flopped over his lap. I smile at the two and Joe meets my gaze. "This is nothing. Dinner usually ends in food fights at my house. Pretty sure there is still potato on the ceiling waiting to drop on some ones head." He chuckles before patting out a tune on Carl's back, making the young boy groan as he looses a game.
I sit Liam down in his play pen before going to the kitchen to start making food for the wedding. I already had a large majority of it done now I just had to finish decorating a few things. I pick up one of the ricotta and spinach stuffed pasta shells and bring it over to Joe. "Taste test." I say and hold it out for him. I expected him to take it from me, but instead he takes a bite his lips grazing my fingertips. He groans at the taste and nods his approval before eating the rest. I feel my face become hot and Joe smirks when he sees.
I roll my eyes at him before hitting hit shoulder lightly and go back to the kitchen.
I finish stuffing the rest of the pasta shells before wrapping up the dishes and starting on cooking off the bacon wrapped cocktail sausages and the mini crab Rangoon puffs.
When everything is done I feel Joe come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. I smile and lean against him only to scoff when he snags a Rangoon puff from the platter and shoves it in his mouth.
"Your beautiful, funny, strong, a great mother and you can cook. Damn, I'm so lucky" he says after and he rests his head on my shoulder and sways us a little.
"Tall, handsome, hard working, funny, makes me smile and didn't run after a small glimpse into the crazy. Damn, I'm so lucky" I mimic back making him chuckle and hold me a little tighter.
The moment between us is interrupted by yelling outside. I sigh and step out of his arms before covering the food and getting my jacket on. I take Liam from Joe and kiss his cheek when I see that he had gotten Liam into his jacket and shoes for me.
We go outside and follow the sound of V's voice to find her standing down the side of her house at the base of a ladder as she yells up at the window.
"What's going on?" I ask as I join the others, motioning to my little sister who was standing at the top of the ladder.
"Marty has locked himself in the bathroom and is threatening to light my dress on fire." V tells me and I pass Liam to joe before going inside the house telling the others to stay.
I go to V's drug cabinet and find the morphine and a syringe. I fill the syringe with the right dosage before going upstairs. I open V's bedside draw and ignore the sex toys and pull out a pair of handcuffs before going to the bathroom.
"Marty? Can you let me in please I just need to grab something then I will go" I say softly through the door.
"Who the fuck are you?" Marty says through the door before I hear a bunch of swearing.
"I'm Phoebe. I live a couple of houses down. V said I could grab a pregnancy test for her real quick" I say and almost immediately the door opens. I smile at him before plunging the needle into his neck and pressing down on the plunger.
He starts swearing at me before falling to the ground. I quickly move him before handcuffing him to the base of the toilet. I pull out my phone and dial 911.
"Hello police please. There's an escaped criminal in my house. Marty fisher. He's handcuffed in the bathroom." I say and give the address before hanging up.
I grab the dress and bring it outside to the others. "Here. The police are on their way so I suggest removing anything from the house that you don't want them to find. Also the are going to need the key for your handcuffs" I say and V takes the dress before jumping up and down with some happy yells.
She kisses my cheek before going back to mine to do her makeup whole Kev goes inside to get rid of anything.
Joe kisses my cheek and continues holding a sleepy Liam on his hip, rocking him side to side. "Your scarcely sexy" he claims before pecking my lips. I feel myself melt slightly and lean against him as we walk together.
A/N
Joe's face claim is.... Joe Manganiello.
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