Letting My Tarnished Self Wither | 汚れた自分を枯れさせて

Chapter One

I am letting my tarnished self wither...

I thought today would be a good day, but I was absolutely wrong.

I walked into my school, Miyamasuzaka Girls Academy, with a smile on my face. People greeted me, and I politely returned the gesture before getting into class and sitting down, pulling out my pen from my bag.

The bell rang and I saw my other classmates walk into the class, all talking to eachother, and some coming over to me asking for something. I gave them all responses that seemed to please them before looking at the chalkboard, but I was not prepared for what I saw.

Surprise Science Test!

My eyes widened slightly as the teacher started to hand out the test papers. I'd need to ace this, but I didn't even know the material that was on the paper until my teacher handed me my test.

It was about biology, which I had started slacking in slightly due to focusing on things like English and my music. Even though I needed to take biology for my exams, I just thought a week or two of focusing on other things wouldn't be so bad, but I was wrong. Most of the questions on the test were alien to me. I couldn't understand the stuff written down.

"You may start the test now!" The teacher said, and a second later I heard the sound of pens and pencils on paper. I looked down at my test and just tried my best. I was glad I was able to confidently answer some of them, but the others were difficult. I saw some of the other students looking very confident and internally died, knowing I would not be getting 100% on this test.

Soon, it was time to hand in our tests. I put mine onto the teacher's desk and sat back down, sighing. This was not turning out to be a good day at all. I felt my anxiety rise as I saw the teacher grading the papers right then and there. I hoped that mine wouldn't turn out so horribly, and I could see a few of the other kids probably hoping for the same thing.

After a while, the teacher handed out our graded papers again, sometimes commenting on them to the student's face. I braced myself as the teacher walked up to me.

"I'm surprised, Asahina, you usually perform much better in tests." She said before putting my paper on to my desk.

43%

I felt my head swirl with anxiety and self hatred. Forty-three percent? I was supposed to be better than that. I knew I hadn't done as good as usual, but that low of a score? Mother would probably be mad...

I felt myself break out into a cold sweat at the thought of my mother's disappointment. I held my paper, my hand trembling slightly. What could I do to avoid this? How could I keep her from knowing her perfect daughter was slacking in biology?

Then, an idea clicked in my mind. If I just didn't show her the test, then things would be fine, wouldn't they? So I put the paper into my bag, down at the bottom of it so even I would for about it.

I heard the bell ring and got up out of my seat, but, not even a second later, a swarm of my classmates surrounded me, asking me questions.

"How did you do on the test?"

"Did you not do good, like the teacher said?"

"Show us what you got!"

My composure was slowly shattering from the stress of being surrounded by people trying to invade my space, so I mumbled a lie of having to meet with a friend and took off, speed walking down the hall.

I couldn't let anybody know that the perfect girl they saw of me was slowly becoming an imperfect mess. I wouldn't allow that to happen, no matter what.

The rest of my classes flew by, as I was determined to focus. Luckily, there were no more surprise tests, so I calmed down towards the end of the day. I sighed with relief as the last bell rung. Picking up my stuff, I walked out of the school, as archery club wasn't taking place at that time.

When I made it home, I put my smiley face back on. "Mother, I'm home!" I called out. I got no answer, as I remembered that she was at work until late today. I then went upstairs to my bedroom, turning on my computer to go onto Nightcord and talk with Kanade as I did my homework. It would help make my day less hectic if I could talk with her.

...Until there nothing but the ashes of my former self remain.