Dark Soul

Waking up

My eyes flickered open, my vision blurry and balls of light danced in my sight; I couldn't see anything so I shut my eyes again, hoping for them to adjust quickly.

I just lay there, confused. Where was I? Where was mum? I just hoped that this all wasn't some sick trick waiting to lure me back into those horrible moments. It's hard to believe I went through all of that, and here I am. Can't even see infront of me - yet I am living. I had survived what seemed like going through hell and back - twice. 

Everything was silent and peaceful until a  soft hand gently held onto my hand.

I jumped a mile, pushing myself upwards out of a lying position into a sitting position. I pushed myself against the closest thing, which was the wall and opened my eyes, white light blinded me. I winced and curled up into a ball feeling weak and sick and mostly dizzy I held my arms around my head and cried.

"Serena! It's okay! Oh Serena, you're alright now! Honey don't be afraid it's only me..." A voice spoke reassuringly in a delicate tone. A body clambered next to me and wrapped around me, "Honey, It's all okay now, I got you." The familiar voice wept as a hand stroked my hair. 

I opened my eyes and waited till my eyes adjusted to see Holly's face. I stared at her, admiring her courage. She helped try and save my mum till her last breath, she raised me as if I were her own even if I was a horrible person to her, but she never gave up. Holly stroked my cheek, "It's so good to see you well." 

"I love you, mum." My voice came out weaker and croakier than I had hoped, but the look in Holly's eyes when I said 'mum' made it worth it. Hope and love filled her caring eyes and she pulled me into a hug and I returned the hug. I'd never said to her I loved her, or called her mum. I'd never showed her love; and now I regret it. When I think about it, she has done so much for me. I regret being such a spoilt brat. I want to make it up to her. "I'm so, so sorry."

Holly hushed me and held me like a baby, and I sat there feeling weak and timid, like a baby. I absorbed her comfort and we just sat there for a while in a silence that wasn't awkward, but of relief and of comfort.

"Listen honey," She started and held me at arms length looking into my eyes, a sense of awkwardness swept over her, she looked down and mouthed words to think over what she was going to say. I knew what she was going to talk about before she said it, and I smiled at her weakly, but also reassuringly. She looked at me and her eyes were full of concern. "There is something I have to tell you," She paused again, again thinking. 

"Its about... your...mum."