With Her - Short Story

With Her

Conflicting. That's the only way I can describe ... this.

Pros

I like the feel of adrenaline I get when I approach a planet then claim it as my own, then, with the tap of a few keys, I'm off to find another. I like watching the food go in small and tasteless, then come out bigger and ready to eat. I like the hours of mindless typing, when nothing else matters.

Cons

I miss her.

She was all that matters. She still is. I haven't seen her in years, but her face is still crystal clear in my mind, while others are fuzzy and blurred. She was my anchor in the rocky seas.

She once told me she liked a man who was honest.

I had tried telling her about the operation after that. It was the only secret I had. Other than I was madly in love with her of course. But I couldn't. She would surely alert authorities and I wouldn't have a chance with her. I would be killed. My parents would be killed. Gregory controls everything. I'd never admit that I was afraid of him, but anyone could see it in my eyes. The fear.

I don't like talking of him. He is my devil. She is my God.

I could spend hours talking of her. The way she walked, how there was a slight Texan drawl in her voice, how much she loved her cat, Emily.

I've been to nine planets in twelve years and it's starting to show.

Inside and out.

I'm 35, but look 20, with my rock hard abs, sculpted muscles, and wrinkle free face. I looked older when I was forced onto the ship twelve years ago, my hand ripped from hers. They hadn't told me of these side effects, but I had done my research. Previous studies showed that these conditions resulted in muscle wastage. Going at the speed of light must be different in some way.

During the last twelve years of my life, my mental health had changed. My memory was excellent, and I could recall facts I had learned years earlier. I found this strange, but it was an improvement, anyways.

On the down side, I sometimes find myself ... unstable. Sometimes I think I see her ... in the ship. Most times she's in the bathroom combing her hair in the mirror. The first time I saw her there was two years ago. I knew she wasn't real. I knew it.

But I tapped her shoulder anyway. She kept combing her hair with that red comb. I tapped her again after a couple minutes, a little dazed. She jumped in surprise, and so did I. She turned to me and smiled, then disappeared.

"Susan ..." I whispered her name, but it wouldn't bring her back.

I was convinced I was crazy. But what would explain the blue powder covering the finger I used to tap her shoulder?

I officially dubbed myself mental after that, and was careful when piloting. I concocted my own medicine soon after. It didn't work. She appeared in the bathroom at least once a month, staying as long as there hours once. I never once touched her. Kind of like when I used to go to art museums. Look but don't touch, look but don't touch, look but don't touch ...

Only two months ago did I realize she had stopped coming. Sitting here now, I'd never felt so abandoned. Defeated. I let Gregory take the love of my life away from me, and now he's taken my mind. He's messing with me. I know it.

¤¤¤

I always felt that I was watched. Everyday, the feeling creeps up my neck and into my face. I know there's something wrong with every thing about this. I don't think my parents are in danger, and I don't think Pluto is my last stop before I can go home.

I think it's a trick. But I do nothing.

¤¤¤

Once I get to Pluto, I can hand in the samples to Gregory and he'll let my parents go. I can go back to Earth and everything will be right again. So simple. Too simple. But I keep going.

¤¤¤

I put the ship on auto pilot for the night. So I could sleep for once. I fell asleep easily, as usual. It wasn't in my nature, but it had started once I got on the ship. One more reason that this is fake.

In the morning, I step out of my chambers not opening my eyes yet. Only when I get into the kitchen do I rub my eyes. I try to open them, but something is keeping both of my eyes closed.

"Chris ... Chris, wake up. It's me. Susan."

I yelp, jumping at the sound of Susan's voice. And then ... POP!

My eyes fly open, only I'm not on the ship any more. I'm in a hospital bed, with white sterile walls caging me in.

Susan, the love of my life is standing over me. She smiles at me. My parents stand farther away, hugging each other. They don't look any different from how I remember them. I look back at Susan. "You ... you can't be real," I say, clutching her hand.

She nods. "Oh, but I am. Gregory-"

My suddenly sour expression cuts her off. "What's wrong, baby? Are you in pain?"

She can't say anything more before my hands reach her throat and squeeze. My parents gasp, holding each other, frozen in fear.

"None of this is real! You are just a figment of my imagination! Gregory is just playing with my mind," I yell through clenched teeth.

The so called "Susan" flails her arms wildly, trying to break free. I press my thumbs down harder. Her eyes roll into back of her head. I just laugh.

"See how you like it, Gregory! Hahaha!"

For a while it's just movement. My parents run out of the room, calling for help. Susan chokes, and spit flies onto my face. She's practically having a seizure now, her whole body jerking wildly.

And then ... still.