Summer Rain

Chapter XVI Part A

Silence...

For days, there had been nothing but silence...

I couldn't fathom the agony that was tearing me apart on the inside.

It had been days since Mario had left, and with him my heart.

Have you ever felt empty inside? As if your heart had suddenly been torn out of your chest, leaving nothing but the hollowness... emptiness... and phantom agony where your heart used to be?

How could he be so cruel? He told me he loved me but I couldn't trust those words. He left Australia broken-hearted. Then, he made me fill his broken heart with my love. How could he take advantage of my feelings for him? How could he?

My eyes were riveted on the torrential rain outside as new tears streamed down my cheeks. I've been in my room since we returned from the island. The trip back was awkward. Everyone was deafeningly silent. Nobody said anything. I rejected Mario's numerous attempts to speak with me. Annie was just Annie. She sensed something was off but said nothing. She didn't ask me questions that I wasn't prepared to answer, and for that I'm grateful.

Tatlong mahihinang katok sa pinto ang nagpagising sa aking diwa. 

"Can I come in?" boses ito ni Annie. 

I didn't answer. 

The door creaked open, and Annie entered with a tray of food in her hands.

"Pinadala ni Nana. Baka raw nagugutom ka na." Inilapag niya ito sa aking bedside table. 

She sat down in front of me, her eyes sad.

"When you're ready to talk, I'm just here." 

Mas bumilis pa ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko dahil sa sinabi niyang ito. 

I nodded. 

She didn't say anything for a short while before getting up and leaving my room.

I hated showing my sister this side of me, defeated and broken.

I despised Mario for making me believe he loved me.

I despised Keno for protecting his cousin.

I was angry with myself for believing in love, for holding on to the hope that he was still capable of loving me after all these years.

If there was one thing I was grateful for, it was not having given him my virginity.

Muntikan na nga. Mabuti na lang, he refused me. 

He refused me...

That hit me like a ton of bricks. He refused me not because he loved me, but because he knew from the start that he would leave me. That he will go back to Chloe.

Bakit ka nga naman papatol sa virgin na walang experience kung meron ka namang pwedeng balikan na makakapagbigay ng gusto mo when it comes to sex? 

Nahiga ako at tumingin na lamang sa labas ng glass doors. 

On the first day of summer, rain poured, and now that it's ending, the rain poured harder.