why live? just to die.....

       Its not everyday you get to find out your mother doesn't want you. That she wants to go on and leave her fifteen year old daughter, so that she can party, and do drugs. Its not easy to come home and find  a note saying " Honey.. I love you but I need to move on and be with people who understand me... their is five dollars under the note so that you can at least eat tonight.... I need you out of my house to by ten I have guys coming over... love you have a nice life:)". I couldn't help but reread the note over and over again. She really left me, here all by myself in a world I wasn't ready for. She is the worst mother ever, first dad and now her how could this happen. I was scaring them off like a bug zapper does bugs. first the bugs say awe pretty light then they leave once they find out it could kill them. I was the human bug zapper....

      Its funny, I never knew my dad. He was gone by the time I was born. My mother says its cause I scared him away. Me being his baby and all. That he wasn't ready for a family so he skipped town on us.  I don't balm him I would to if I found out I had an accidental daughter. Mom did say that he loved her for awhile. That dads family wasn't happy that he had a kid at eighteen. Dad would be thirty-three now. I don't even know his name I can only call him by dad. He isn't much of a dad either more like the guy I came from.

    I had only made it a few steps out the door when I busted down crying. How could my mother the one that was suppost to always be there leave me? How could she do that I trusted her. I could never love, or trust another soul again they all leave me or disappoint me in some way. I was her own blood, her baby girl.  Then boom I'm  no loner  her girl the one she raised all her life. Maybe I am better off with out her, with out the disappointment I could final grow up and be myself instead of trying to raise my mother. No I did need her, she is my mom I love her she was there for me threw some of the hard times. I will always love her but she treated me like trash. Someday when I'm doing great and making something of myself I will return and show them the real trash.... and it wasn't going to be me.

    I have walked for eight hours now. In the dark night with nowhere to go, no place to stop and rest. I was starting to get worried until I stumbled up to this house. The girl looked to be my age she was very pretty. She had long blond hair, her eyes were blue as night, she was very tall and skinny. I had decided to walk up to her and find out were there could be a place for me to stay. It took me a minute to find the courage to ask her, I was here I didn't know her, she could be a snob and tell me to buzz off but then my bug zapper self would just get rid of her anyways. I had to try though I really needed to rest and think about my next move.  

   I walked over to were she was standing. She looked a little shocked when i came up behind her she stepped back some. Her face when she saw me went soft , and sweet. I could tell now that she wasn't a bad girl at all that she was a nice, kind girl. "May i help you?" she said before i could even say a word. " Well see iv been walking for sometime now and i was just wondering if there was some place i could stay, i have no money, i wont take up much room. I'm very quite, and no one needs to worry i don't eat ,and i could be out by the first shine of day light." She looked at me like i was stupid. " Well about that, there is no were for you to stay for miles away. You could stay with me tonight its just my brother some of his friends and me. My parents are gone out of town but only if you would like?" I smiled i couldn't believe that she didn't know me and here she was letting me stay here with her. " If you don't mind i would like that very much." " Okay lets me go tell the guys to behave, then we can find u something to wear, and a shower if you would like." i just smiled and nodded.

   We walked threw the door and all the eyes were on me. I was a little scared because i didn't know them. The guys though they were so hot, the looked like a model out of a movie or something. I had never seen a group of guys that looked this amazing,and trust me living with my mom i had seen a lot of guys, but never this sexy. Maybe i was just dizzy from the walk and the heat of the day that once was. She walked me to the bathroom were i could then take a shower, she left to go get me some clothes. I started the water and got undressed. I was standing there when i saw the handle move to the door, and in walked this brown headed, tall, sexy,and blue eyed boy.

   I stood there in shock as the boys eyes went up and down my body. I could feel his hungry eyes all over me. I could of scream eye rape but I didn't think right now was the right time to. He stepped forward to were I was standing. I could feel the heat of his body coming off on me. He then turned around and closed the door, he had locked it so no one could get in or out. I wanted him for some reason I wanted him to come and kiss me and take me. I couldn't  believe the thoughts I was having, I don't even know him yet he seemed so dangerous. I wanted this boy as much as you could see in his eyes that he wanted me to. I couldn't help but want him to come even close to me, yes I knew why I was having these thoughts my wolf she wanted him. My wolf has wanted guys before but not like she wanted him.

    He walked up to me and pushed me into the nice warm shower. He had me pressed up against the shower wall, he started to run his hands down my body. I couldn't make a noise, I couldn't stop him he wanted me, yes he wanted me but so did his wolf. I knew he was a werewolf the moment I walked into the house. He then took his hands and pulled my legs up around him still having me up against the wall. The warm water covered him from head to toe. He smelled so wonderfully great to me I wanted that smell all over me. He smiled and leaned his head down and started to kiss all over my neck. I felt the shiver again but it felt right I loved it, his touch made me want to scream out in pleasure I wanted him to go down more. He did he moved all the way down my body. I then reached down and took off his wet shirt and then made my way down to his pants to take them off. He smiled and pressed me harder up against the wall, and then his wolf took over.

     That had been the best shower of my life. I was the happiest girl ever, he stood in the bathroom and raped a towel around his lower body then gave me one for my whole body. He unlocked the door and we made are way to his room. He then gave me a pear of his boxers and a black t-shirt. I watched as he got dressed too I went into his bathroom to get dressed I don't know why I did that we had just had made sex in the shower so he had seen my body. I looked in the mirror and there stood a short , black headed , blue eyed girl. Her looks only the best. She had the biggest smile on her face. She was finally happy, and no one could change that. I got dressed and walked into his room, where he stood kind of pissed off.

    " why the hell did u change in there?" " I am sorry... " I replied " Awe baby its just it drives me nuts not seeing u".  I was a little shocked that he said that, I mean why should it mean  that much to him if I went into the other room? I asked him. " why was it a big deal if I went into the other room." his answer was kind of a shocker I mean I have only been here half and hour and he said what he did. " Because I love you." well there you go the big shock I mean I don't even say the "L" word to my mom. Then here a stranger says it too me I mean he doesn't even know me. I bet he says that to every girl he sleeps with. " okay, sure you love me ...  I bet you love every girl u get to bang". He looked kind of pissed and upset at the same time when those words had left my mouth. I mean should I feel bad I just said that?