Not quite last, but certainly never first.
I know I'm not your first choice,
But, I hope I'm not your last.
I may be weird
Quirky,
And
Eccentric,
But,
I love you.
I love you like a brother.
I love you as a friend.
A best friend.
I love you because you are a reason to smile.
A reason to laugh.
A reason to wanna keep going.
You are a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.
I loved the idea of you.
The idea that I could be with you.
Be reckless and happy.
Fall head over heels in love.
And live happily ever after.
But sadly,
Life isn't like that.
I liked you.
No.
Scratch that.
I loved you.
I wanted you as more than a friend.
Someone I could hug when I'm sad.
Someone that would just lay with me and talk for hours.
Watch stupid action packed movies with me until we fell asleep.
Kiss me when you thought no one was looking.
Someone who knew more about me, than I knew about my self.
You chose to hold my heart in your calloused hands,
Then drop it so quickly,
Like it had burned you.
You left me heartbroken,
But I tried not to let that show.
I didn't want to ruin everything we had,
For a silly little crush.
So I went on with my life.
Pretending everything was fine.
Like I wasn't bleeding on the inside.
Like I wasn't sad.
Like my world hadn't begun to cave in around me.
I managed this façade for quite a while.
I glued a smile to my face,
And laughed even when nothing was funny.
I tried to be the old me.
The me that was sarcastic, funny, and out-going.
But, I just can't do it anymore.
To make matters worse,
Instead of choosing me,
You chose someone that I love just as much as I love you.
You chose my best friend.
Do you know how much that hurts?
You dismissed my feelings,
You swatted them away like you would a fly.
And now I sit,
Crying into my pillows,
Over a boy that doesn't deserve my tears.
Yet they keep falling.
One after another, after another.
I do this in the privacy of my room.
I do not wish to share my tears with others.
They are mine, and mine alone.
They represent the rejection, and the humiliation coursing through my veins.
I knew I wasn't your first choice,
But I didn't know I was your last.
*******
So writing is my way of figuring out, what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling it and why I'm feeling it. I wrote this little blurb so I could get it all out without ruining two of the most amazing friendships I have. I never had any intention of publishing it. But recently the two people involved in this little blurb, helped me through something big, and my feelings were revealed. I thank them both for being so amazing. Now that there is no issue anymore, I figured 'What the hell, I'm gonna publish this shit'. So thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day, and happy birthday if today is your birthday. ~VioletRoses798
