Letters to the one I love

Donnie Joe Moore III

I love you, I love you so much that I'm so scared. Scared that I was the only one in love. So scared that I am afraid to let go, but your silence since the day you made me leave has made it obvious that I must let go. You hurt me so bad, I know you have to know that. I gave you every piece of me, mind, body, heart and soul. The power to destroy me, and trusting that you wouldn't. Then you did, after promising, swearing that you never would. I just wished you had let us talk about it. Even if I got emotional and angry, I wish you would have just let me feel what I felt. To let us talk it out so we could have moved past it. You denied letting us move past it everytime you shut the conversation down. You wanted us to move past it and on with our life together, yet you denied us the healing we needed to do so. It felt like everytime you did that you kept rubbing the infidelity in my face. Then you kept essentially calling me crazy for feeling how I felt about it, for being as hurt as I was. Yes I was wrong to put my hands on you, everytime I did it I regretted it. It never made me feel anything than self hatred because I never wanted to hurt you.
What you don't know is I've cried myself to sleep in silence since I discovered everything. I wish it had all just been some sick twisted nightmare. That I wake up and be on your arms, and we'd be happy like we were before all this crap happened. I so badly want to send you this, yet part of me feels like that would be a bad idea. It hurts so bad being without you. I know it's possible to be and live without you. Just part of me doesn't want to. I still crave your warmth, your smile, your voice, your kiss. I miss you so much it hurts. Then I wonder does he feel this way? Did he ever feel this way? Why won't he talk to me? Why was he so distant before that last argument? That distance, is what made me question if you were doing that again, if you were still talking to someone.... I tried telling you that but you would just tell me it's the voices in my head....
You told me I was the love of your life. So what did I do so wrong for you to betray me the way you did? Not just once, but repeatedly...
You left me in pain without a proper and significant explanation as to why.. 
You acted like I was the one in the wrong for feeling so hurt by it