Past

"Journal of a Mad Woman" Chapter One

"I saw his face as I went down. I watched him as he watched me drown. I tried calling for him, but my voice was muffled by bubbles. I tried to gasp for air, but only water filled my lungs. Is it possible to cry underwater? Who knows, but I can feel the tear streaming down my face as I slowly lose view of him. Why was he smiling? Why couldn't he save me? Why couldn't I save myself? Questions swarm in my head as I come to a realization. It is not his face I see, it is mine. He's the one drowning . . . slowly floating to the bottom . . . calling for me. I watch him drown. I smile as he gasps for air . . ."

I slam my mother's journal closed not able to read any further. Just thinking about my mother being as mad as the doctors began to say she was is unbearable. How could I have not seen how ill she was? She was perfect.

"Rebecca?" I was snapped out of my thoughts by a voice calling my name. "Rebecca, sweetheart? Are you okay?" I looked up to see my fiancé's worried face.

"Connor, I didn't hear you come in, but yes I'm fine. Don't worry." I say putting on a fake smile. How could I tell him that my mother may have been a murderer? Maybe these are just her deloused writings. I wish I had some answers.

"Becca, you look like hell." Connor says as he sits down beside me.

"Thanks babe. You always know how to make a girl feel nice."

"I aim to please, but seriously you look like your puppy just died . . . erm um bad example saying something died considering this is the first time you have been in this house in five years." He runs his fingers through his messy blonde hair and sighs a bit. "I'm such an idiot, I should think before I speak. I'm so sorry Rebecca."

I lean over and hug him. "Connor, you are not an idiot. You are my sweet loving fiancé, who just happens to say the wrong things some times." I hug him tighter as the words from my Mother's journal echo in my head. What if the man she talked about was my father? All I know is that he died when I was six months old. They said it was an accident of some sorts. My mother never talked about it or him, now to think about it, she didn't even have a picture of him anywhere. I don't even know what my father looks like.

"Hey, Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we go now? I have what I came for."

"Sure, let's go."

Finally pulling away from our hug I grab the journal and shove it into my messenger bag.

I need to know what happened in my mother's past. I need to know if I'm going to end up like her.

As Conner and I walked to the car decided I should go see my aunt to check with her about the journal. Since she only lived a block away told Connor I'd just meet him at home. He didn't agree with the idea that I walked myself but with a little whining I got him to see it my way. Besides I need the air to clear my head. Walking down the street of my old house I take a right onto Swarthmore Ave and just enough the West Virginia air. My old neighborhood is in slightly wooded area, which is why Connor was so resistant on my walking alone. It's about 6:30 right now though it's still light so there really is no reason for him to worry. I use to walk these streets at later times than this back middle and high school. I honestly can't see myself leaving Charleston anytime soon. I love this city.

As I finally turn onto Greendale Dr. I can't help but sigh in relief. I have reached my aunt's house at last. Luckily she was already outside tending to her garden.

"Hi Aunt Terra." I say as I walk up behind.

My Aunt Terra gasps while she quickly got up pulling me into a tight hug. I hug her back. I really did miss her. I haven't seen her in three years. "Oh my goodness! Rebecca, I have missed you so much darling. What's with this sudden visit without even a single phone call? I could have had dinner made for us. You know Danny and the boys miss you too? How have you been?"

Without saying a word I just pulled out my mother's journal and the look in Terra's eyes told me she knew exactly what it was.

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A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this first part of my new story. Let me know what you think. Please leave comments.