We exist for a reason! and if I tell you that i don't have any reason do you going to believe me ?
My name was SOYEONG at least before every thing change !
today i will shared all what i hide in my heart from long time and for some of you it won't be easy to read it and some will see themselves in my text but like i said i don't care all i want is to share my pain! Did you ever think what you wanted to do? Or what people think about you? me i always wanted to know what people be thinking about me and let me tell you is not very nice what people think about you for real that's why i always felt so sad but be like a soft make peoples bully you over and over so an advice don't be like a a softie because you will regret it .
I never really wanted to be alone because i grow up with my nanny and she wasn't the best nanny ever because she always bully me and my uncle too i tough that it's was to make me strong but i was wrong you know i knew my mom and my father but my mom left me to go in United state for a better life for both us so she left me with her mother in Africa I'm sure she was in her head so good but she never knew that i was suffocating there . Living with my grand mother was like hell , people will say im over doing but im not you know you never suffer until you open your eyes .The worst part is one day i was in middle school because i was acting like a normal teen you know what happen? i never like take notes because i always find it annoying and boring and that day the worst experience of my life happen . Do you ever assist at an assembly where someone get whoop? if you never assist welcome to mine now you have assisted , and let me tell you after that the whole school knew me for decades even when i quit the school i was like a super star and that mark my like for ever i was so happy that at least for once i was asked , i was called even i was approach by a lot of people even peoples i never knew don't you find this fantastic ? I know all happiness comes to an end yeah i know you will tell me that is true but i didn't really care at that time until my sister and brother started getting in my head ! And yes i do have brothers and sisters family is a thing that i care about so much and believe me i dont play with my family . Like i said i was thinking about my father and sisters but the only problem here is my nanny dont like my father don't ask the why because i don't know if i tell you otherwise I'm lying so badly so to take the new of my father i was usually texting him in secret because if my nanny or my uncle knew it they will give me some slaps or they will whoop me and one day when they discovered it i was so sick i was dying because they scold me so badly that i cried to tell you the truth im very emotional girl but that day they said that i was ungrateful and i am a deception and i should take example on my cousin . Do you know if i hate a thing in this life is when people compared me to someone or say can't you do like him or her i hate this so much that i can scream at you so never tell me that if you dont want me to hate you .So after fighting with my nanny and my uncle i decided to run away at that time one of my cousin was living with us because he also run away from his father so we had so much in common and my nanny didn't really like my cousin because he was free and not scared of her i once called my nanny witch because a posses person told me that so i started say that , so i was planning to run away so i told my cousin he was supporting me so one day i lied to my nanny that i was going take my result of my exam so i took my small back with two stuff and i said goodbye to our maid and her daughter she cried so much when i left and she wish me luck i was so happy to go away that day i was so happy that day will start a new adventure . I was so wrong i mean in a part i was wrong why because i though that living with my brothers and sisters will be so cool but i was naïve to think that because the situation were way worst . Do you believe it? my brother were able to manipulate me like Pinocchio because i was softie that's why I'm telling you if you are a softie you will always cry like me like a cry baby and people will make fun of you so friends of mine don't be like me . When i stayed with my dad and sisters and brother with my step mom i really liked there because i was free and i was loved even though i always fighting but at least we were family like i always dreamed we played a lot and people never see me as a problem or a person with less humanity there people were seeing me more because i was important, i was loved, i was approach not because they head bad story about me or good not all. They all approach me because i was beautiful and i was friendly even crush when i was first year of senior in 3 grade you know how funny it was because at that time i always making jokes with my sister what did i love about him but i really enjoyed myself because i felt really free it was the first time and to tell you the truth i also had a lot of who guys wanted to dated me what never happen when i was living with my nanny . I was happy like never i was in the past . And soon school started i met my boyfriend he was in 11 grade and me i was in 10 grade his name was Maxime i loved him like i never did but if you believe this phrase >> i love him like i never did<< is false i loved him so much but i wasn't really in love or maybe i don't know so like i said it was like a movie him + me = perfect love . Like all dream end like mine my love was too beautiful to continue after one week of dating my father announce me that im moving to the USA with my mom and her husband . For real i was shocked and felt overwhelm and to be honest i didn't know about that it was a total surprise and i was so sad to tell you the truth some peoples will say is the big dream of most peoples but me i didn't plan it because i was in relationship who said travel at other world said breakup because long distance doesn't make long for me anyway so to tell you the truth when i break up with him it was the worst thing that i ever did no I'm joking this was the second bad thing i ever do . The first thing i did it was to kiss the big brother of my first love i was just a kid i mean i was dumb at 12 i was a lil weird even now im still but in a good way i mean not always so this was so bad that i regret it later when every guy i wanted didn't want i though it was karma but in my head i was doing to much , but i knew that it was karma and that all guy i approached only wanted me to have sexual relationship you know at the start i liked it but im a human too , i have real feelings you know im not a robot so i stopped . When i flew to America i though it will be like in Hanna Montana or Jessie in disney channel but i was so wrong because it was so not , because i always fight with my parents .Im not happy to say that but im a straight person so i didnt get along with my mom because we had different point of view in every things all those fight were getting bigger and bigger even one year after i was seeing a lot of guys and i become over weight and some of my "friend" were always saying why I'm fat with my big stomach , she always tried to make me feel insecure without lying i was because all my life i only heard negativity about myself coming from my families it was becoming way worst when Nerine ( the girl with negativity) go to the principal and told her i was pregnant do you know how embarrassing I was? So embarrass that i scold her like she was my daughter i did that in front of the class and some students scold her too that she didn't need to go that far she was trying so hard to give excuses and she felt so embarrass and left the class because believe me it wasn't the first time that Nerine opened her mouth to split stuff about me or other people and i was so sick of her so the principal told her to go with me do the text what i did and it was negative and that was the last time i told her my secret even dark one . i tough after her i would feel free but it never end even my true friend make me feel like I'm less is a very unpleasant situation I'm telling you so be careful your friend are not really your friends . Until i met a star of social media he gave me assurance , smile, he made me feel special because of his video and blog and his personality was all made me happy without forget his smile this guy when look at him i forgot my pain , my sadness , all sorrows in my heart he was my medicine i could tell you the name but is not fun when you know every thing so i will keep my charming prince name's for myself and maybe you will learn about him in the future . But i knew it was impossible to be with him but when I tough about him i had this hot thing in my chest and like having butterfly in my stomach but i wanted to forget about him because i know myself . I only had a crush on a guy for two weeks that's why my friends call me two weeks crush stand .But at this point i didn't really care because some thing in my heart was telling me to go on not to give up i don't know if it was because of my prediction and yes i say prediction i can see future some times don't ask how because i won't tell is a secret . When i told my friends about my crush they mock me and laugh they said i was delusional , i know it sound day-dream i know but believe me he changed me for real i never met him and he never did but when he posted his content i saw myself smile for no reason , i can say i was just a bit obsess about him but not in a bad way and is true i stalk him because i liked him but people kept say I'm stupid so i stopped being delusional until he put me on his group chat i was happy but think about him make me happy and give me strength but i don't know what i want anymore . What i know is i didn't change maybe just a bit because now I'm a bag bitch because i tried to not complex about myself or to be insecure but is impossible because i didn't find my way out of the nightmare im living right now and now I'm more a cry baby than never and i don't know if it going to change but what won't change is my feelings about LE and yes (LE) it's his name anyway im continue to fight to be the best version of myself because i own him that and i own him so much more than my smile i will fight for the love i have for him and be th best version of myself and go to his country and meet him like that i will make my own happy ending like i always dream so guys when you want someone give yourself the way to process because you strong , you have the power don't listen too much about what people think it will only affect your mental health don't act like me or you will regret it .Anyway see you for the next part maybe in 10 years just kidding you believed that right? to be continued........
