Forbidden

It wasn't that I realize that she fell in love, with me. She WAS my bestfriend, I always told her that. as much as I don't want to hurt her but it turned out the opposite around. I've become a jerk, I wasn't who I used to be, why is that? Everyday I can see her pain, but everyday she continued to smile. that I always see, could it be she could be also crying? Burden as I am, I could've just told her honestly, about everything, I KNEW EVERYTHING, I love her because she is and always be my  best friend but wny can't I try loving her more than that? But wouldn't that only hurt her more. I told her stories, stories about her ex girlfriend, maxine. She was also her friend. How could she have taken it for long? Was it even that long? And here I am telling I knew everything. She was always there... always, yet why?

I knew many things about her, her birthday, her favorites and such, I hope she knew. Forbidden is such a strong word yet it fits perfectly. Is this what they call forbidden love?  I know it isn't about love between creatures nor mortals and such but, it's forbidden enough between us. I wish I could tell her I'm sorry for  leaving her out nor hurt her feelings. It's much more easier for me to be like this or am I a sadist? Someday I hope to see me and her together, but right now might not be the right time. If only she knew what I think, all those thoughts and words coming into me, if I had a chance to talk to her, I would tell her  she should give up, but how come it was me who is breaking?

What about me? am I worth calling it? I left her lying  around hurt not only that, I stomped on her heart making it worst. Yet why? Why did she continued to love me leaving smiles on me when she is left crying in the inside. How strong she is I should've known. She is my best friend  strong and dependable. I hope one day I could be the same, loving someone not caring about the pain.

It may be a sin, on what I am doing right now. I have no choice but someday I'll come and get her back. I won't say goodbye nor hello I'll continue watching you from a far my dear friend,

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