Relatable shit

2. Feelings

This chapter contains 2 parts, 2 different feelings I discovered this year. These feelings never came to me until I met 2 different people this year. One who brought me joy and one who brought me pain. Both valuable gifts that taught me something.

Enjoy <3

Love

TW (Deep feeling, hard truth, trust issues.)

I had never experienced love. Ever. I had lied about dating people to look somewhat cool to people but the only person I have dated it a guy who I dated as a joke for a hour. It wasn't real and he didn't even talk to me in this hour. 

I still have never found love, not even like I am crushing on them love because no one was ever what I wanted. 

All I ever wanted was someone who gave a shit about me. My type in looks was always just tall, brown hair, dark eyes and cute but that doesn't even apply most of the time. I would fall for someone who just loved me and cared about me. Someone who would hug me when I am sad, text me all the time, make me feel wanted it anyway but sometimes you don't get that. 

As I grow I am finding that I don't need to find someone. I should be happy by myself. But I can't give myself hugs. I can't text myself. It is ok to want someone and I will let myself want someone to hold me. 

Maybe it doesn't have to be attraction love. Sexual love. And I only realized this when I found my love.

My platonic love. 

They are my everything. The only person who knows everything. The only person who will text me when I am sad. My ride or die. My sunshine. The person keeping me alive. We don't have to be attracted to each other to be there. To hold each other. To text late at night and early in the morning. To miss them when not present.

They are there and they are all I need. No guy/girl will ever take over because they are mine and I am theirs. Whether they like it or not, they are stuck with me and I am stuck with them. I just hope I am enough. 

Yes I will still think about the actual love of my life that I could one day have but this one is my soulmate. This is the person who is there and was there before a lover. If they don't like my lover, my lover is gone. 

I never thought the day would come that I found them but I did. Never fitting in with the crowd until I found someone who understood. Maybe one day they will trust me as much as I trust them. Maybe one day they will love me as much as I love them. Until them. I am just happy they didn't leave. 

My platonic love. My real soulmate. My other half. 

Not everyone can find there's and sometimes people lose theirs. I am happy to say I found mine and I pray to god I never lose them. 

They will leave one day and all I can do is let them go. Let them fly and watch them because what else can I do? I am not going to hold back someone who I love. No matter how much I want them to stay, they matter more than me to me at this point.

Butterflies

TW (Sadness, feelings)

My whole life people have said having butterflies in your stomach means you are excited, happy, and nervous all in one, most of the time with love. This is not true.

The butterflies in my stomach are dark and sad. Slowly dying off they leave a numb, sad, and alone feeling in my stomach.

So many people leaving me with the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. The emptiness in my heart. 

A/N

Hello! This is very mixed and odd but it's fineeee.

Tall men give the best hugs, don't bother fighting it. <3

Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Silver out <3