Relatable shit

3. Meaning

TW 

(Deep thoughts and feelings, depression, body image issues, trust issues, overthinking.)

I lay in bed, my eyes staring up at the roof. I shiver, knowing I feel a presence behind me that is not actually there. I wish someone was, someone to wrap their arms around me and hug me till I sleep but there isn't.

The person I want is someone who doesn't exist. The perfect lover is all in my head. There is not one person on this planet right now who cares or ever cared.

The person who is here, who is actually thinking about me in behind me. 

The person that is behind me is not actually visible but they are there. Their voice echo's in my head. Day and night they never leave my side.

'Unlovable. Dumb shit. Ugly. Fat. Lonely.' are the words it speaks but it also tells me sentences.

'You are so weak, stupid. People will take advantage of you. No one loves you. No wonder they left you. Look at you, so weak and pathetic, craving the attention not a soul on earth wants to give you.' it speaks. The voice gets louder and louder and I start to believe every word it says.

I fall asleep, knowing I will be alone sleeping for the rest of my life. The voice continues to boom in my head until I fall into deep sleep.

When I wake up, the alarm clock is ringing, loud in my ear. I turn it off and I have no motivation to listen to it's calls and wake up. My eyes blink back to sleep, as I feel heavy and more and more hatred for myself builds up. Nothing is important anymore because I have figured the truth out thanks to the voice.

'Nothing is important because you are not important.' It reminds me as I drift to sleep.

My stomach gurgles, waking me up again. I am not hungry but it is being starved. I pull my phone out.

"7, 8, 9... 10!" I read out sleepily. I am shocked when I realize.

'10 whole meals missed! That is way over 3 days of no eating.'

I lay back in bed turning my phone off.

'Good job. You deserve this. The less food, the more skinny. Which you are not.'

"SHUT UP!" I shout out loud to the voice in my head. No one hears my cries out, because I live alone. It keeps echoing and I know it is wrong but I listen anyway, knowing it will make me suffer if I don't.

'Who bloodly cares about you? You worthless piece of crap. Don't test me...'

My fingers run along the scars on my wrist and I sigh. Stroking my skin gently, I fall asleep for a third time, listening to the voice.

Keep eating less. Stay in bed. Don't you dare go get food, you fat bitch!

"There is so much going on in the pathetic world and it is hard. What is the difference if I am not there? No one cares." I think, my own thoughts backing up everything the voice says.

All I can think through this whole time is, what is the meaning to all of this?

A/N

Hello again my fellow things in existence. 

This one was another really deep and sad one but I hope people like it. I feel much better getting this shit down on paper though...

I hope you likes my writing and give me your opinion. What should I write about next? How do you feel after reading this? What feedback do you have for me?

Silver out, <3