Time We've Lost |Bucky Barnes|

{Pain}

"You're free to go." an officer unlocked my cell door and gestured me out, grabbing my arm as I stepped out. "You'll be back soon, murderess."

    I looked at the officer, then smiled. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Phil. Thanks for the overnight." I took my arm out of his grip, and walked away.

    The walk out of the police station was full of stares and disapproving looks from both the officers and the prisoners; heading out the double doors and into the dark parking lot that was lit by street lamps.

    Looks like I was walking back to my place. Alone. In the rain.

    I started my long trek down the lamp-lit sidewalks, pulling the hood over my head and my fingers brushing the dogtag necklace around my neck.

    "Good morning, Mrs. Barnes." Bucky's voice whispered by my ear, and he placed a soft kiss on my bare shoulder.

The flashback of our first morning after our wedding day hit me like a ton of bricks.

    No. I would not cry in the middle of the sidewalk. In public. I took in a steadying breath. Once I got back to my apartment, then I would allow myself a good cry while watching Titanic and eating a tub of ice cream or the pizza I had ordered yesterday.

    "Hey, dollface, what're you doing out here all on your lonesome?" a man with greying hair placed his hand on my shoulder.

    I whirled around and smacked the palm of my hand into his nose, watching him stumble back as blood trickled down his nose. "I'm not in the mood for games."

    "Crazy bitch..." the man muttered, then ran across the street to the other side.

    I turned back around and continued walking down the streets, turning a corner and ascending the steps of the apartment complex I was currently living in.

    I took out the key in my pants pocket and unlocked the door, entering the building and heading to my apartment door down the hall, walking in and closing the door; I tossed my keys down onto the table before heading into my room to shower and change into my pajamas.

**☆☆☆**

I sat back on the couch with a box of pizza from the fridge, grabbing the remote and playing the movie as I ate the cold pizza.

    It was on nights like this that made me miss Bucky. Whenever it would storm, he would always wrap me in his arms and pull me against his chest, settling his lips in my hair.

    My phone rang on the table and I set the pizza box aside, picking it up. "Hello?"

    "Sydney!" Mom's voice rung out. "I need you home."

    "Hm. Sorry, Mom, no can do. Too busy watching sad movies and eating greasy food. Then eventually die." I answered, hanging up and switching my phone out for the pizza box.

    My phone rang again not minutes later, I groaned in frustration and paused the movie, answering the call from Mom again. "What?"

    "Don't hang up. This is about Rebecca."

    My blood went cold at the mention of her name. "Don't."

    "Sweetie, she's your daughter—"

    "Not anymore, Mom. I told you time and time again, I can't be a mother. I barely have my shit together." I answered her.

    "Mom?!" Rebecca's voice carried through the phone. "Mom! Is that you?!"

    A light gasp escaped me, and tears pricked in my eyes when I heard her voice.

    "Bucky..I'm pregnant." I said, seeing his face light up as he ran across the room and swept me up into his arms.

    "You're going to be an amazing mother, Syd." he said, kissing me.

"Mom? Mom. Mama..please say something..." she pleaded.

    "..Becca..."

    "I miss you, Mom. I want to be with you." Rebecca said, pain and sadness in her voice.

    I put a hand over my mouth and sniffled slightly, dragging my hand under my eyes to wipe away the tears. "I miss you too, baby. I miss you so much."

    Faint talking was heard over the phone, then Mom's voice spoke. "You can't just drop by for a visit once or twice every year, Sydney. Rebecca needs her mother."

    "I know, Mom. But I just can't right now.."

    "Then do better." she snapped, and the line cut off.

**☆☆☆**

The storm woke me up as a loud crash of thunder was heard, and I shot up on the couch in fear.

"Baby, baby, shh. Shh," Bucky's hands cupped my face gently as he calmed me down. "Shh. It's okay. I'm here. I won't ever leave you."

What I needed now was Bucky. I needed him to help me through this, and he wasn't here.

He hasn't been for five years.

I spun the ring around on my finger as I leaned back against the arm of the couch, deep in the memories of Bucky and I before Thanos happened and snapped half the world from existence.

I closed my eyes, trying to imagine what it would feel like to have my husband beside me just once more, holding me tight to his chest as his hand moved through my hair.

    Another sharp ring was heard, jerking me from my imagination; annoyed, I picked up my phone. "What, Mom?!"

    "Not your mother." Steve answered, "how are you?"

"Let's see. Got arrested yesterday. Held overnight with prisoners that smelled like the sewers, and am currently watching sad movies while eating cold pizza. How do you think I'm doing?" I asked, recapping him on all the stuff that had recently occurred in my life.

"Wow. Okay. Um...listen, can I come over to see you? It's been a while."

"...fine. Whatever. I don't care."